


my friends are dense (i'm in love with Levi Ackerman)

by kirbanana



Series: dumb and dumber (they're in love with each other) [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Canonical Character Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Healthy Relationships, Insecure Armin, Levi is slightly vulnerable, M/M, Mild Smut, Minor Character Death, One-Sided Everyone/Armin Arlert, One-Sided Marco Bott/Armin Arlert, Slow Burn, no beta we die like men, part of a series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-22 05:34:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30033834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirbanana/pseuds/kirbanana
Summary: To Armin, It’s enough to have comrades that you know you’ll die for. It’s illogical to love someone more than friends, when nobody can tell if they’ll last to the next day. He sees the way Hannah cries over Franz’s corpse, desperately trying to breathe life back into his lungs, and he thinks to himself that love is just too sad in a world like this. You don’t have a choice about loving family, but you have a choice to not fall in love with someone else you might lose any second.(A story in which Jean thinks Armin loves Eren, Eren thinks Armin loves Jean, and Armin thinks he loves Levi Ackerman.)A spinoff from the previous two works in this series focusing on the relationship between Armin and Levi (and what they do every chapter that Armin's missing). The story starts out with Armin/Marco and Armin/Everyone, but it's a slow burn development towards Rivarmin.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Marco Bott, Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman/Armin Arlert
Series: dumb and dumber (they're in love with each other) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2175360
Comments: 51
Kudos: 33





	1. Can I tell you about the ocean

**Author's Note:**

> To those who were excited to read about Rivarmin after the previous two installments. I love you.

Armin Arlert isn’t in love with anyone. 

He’s aware that nearly half the barracks' worth of people are interested in him, though - he’s not dense like his best friends, he just doesn’t have the time or effort for relationships right now. 

They’re soldiers, for walls’ sake, they have duties. Every single day is full to the brim with meetings and training, and it’s hard enough keeping his useless self alive as it is even with the amount of work he’s putting in.

To Armin, It’s enough to have comrades that you know you’ll die for. It’s illogical to love someone more than friends, when nobody can tell if they’ll last to the next day. He sees the way Hannah cries over Franz’s corpse, desperately trying to breathe life back into his lungs, and he thinks to himself that love is just too sad in a world like this. You don’t have a choice about loving family members, but you have a choice to not fall in love with someone else you might lose any second. 

At least, that’s how he sees it.

Besides, he’s not deserving of anyone’s love. He’s plain, useless, and uninteresting. He’s not even tall. The other soldiers are just… a little misguided.

It’s not like he’s not into guys. He did think Marco was mildly attractive, for a short while, and they shared a similar amiable nature. It led to them spending a lot of time together under the crinkly trees near the barracks, reading books silently or musing about the grand scheme of the universe. Jean and Eren sometimes sulked about it, the way both their best friends were stolen by each other.

That fateful spring, a little earlier in the year, Marco leaned in to kiss him in the soft warm breeze. Armin didn’t kiss back, just closed his eyes, as his hand wandered over the small blooming flowers peeping up amongst the blades of grass. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself, then. 

After pulling back gently, freckled cheeks flushed with red, Marco admitted quietly that he had fallen in love with Armin, and wanted Armin to be his boyfriend. Leaves swept down to the ground around them, and Armin was stunned, as he took Armin’s soft hand in his own. He held Armin’s hand up to his own lips, and pressed a gentle kiss to his fingers, then his wrist. It was gentlemanly and appealing, but Armin searched his heart for an answer that didn’t exist. 

Armin liked the kiss, liked the _intimacy_ , yes, but he was sure that he wasn’t into Marco like that. He couldn’t explain it (a rare occurrence), but somehow, he knew that he wasn’t _in love_ with the black haired boy, right after the kiss that didn’t exactly sit right.

The blonde boy then told him so, accompanied with a platonic embrace amidst floating dandelion seeds. He’s not one to lie, after all. Not unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Marco took it well. He leaned into the hug, with his usual smile gracing his face, saying that he’ll still love Armin, but he’s going to be respectful of his wishes and maintain the friendship between them. Armin could never expect less out of Marco, ever so loving, sweet and gentle.

He died a few days later. Armin didn’t even get to see his body. 

He heard that half of his body was charred and burned away, until he no longer resembled himself.

If he had fallen in love with Marco, or agreed to be together with him, he, too, would be left as heartbroken as Hannah, or worse. He knows it’s selfish to feel relieved that they had never started, and he hates himself for it. The thought of being as broken as Hannah after losing her lover terrifies him. He doesn’t want to fall in love with anyone, and then get left alone, all by himself. 

He picked flowers from the field where Marco kissed him, and laid them over his ashes at the mass cremation. He never loved Marco that way, but he loved Marco as a friend, and the last kiss Marco had left on his lips still tasted of guilt, grief and loss. He wonders if he should have agreed to be together with the other boy, so that he would have left this world with no regrets, with a boyfriend that he thinks loves him more than anything else. Someone to miss him, not the way Jean does, as a best friend - but a lover, to grieve him, to look up at the night skies and cry for him. To wait until they can reunite amongst the stars.

It’s a cruel world. 

Armin hates the world, but he hates himself even more.

It’s a world where he knows he doesn’t deserve love, but he gets it anyway, and it frightens him. He wants them to stop being frauded by him, but he can’t stop trying his best to be a good person anyway. Altruism is illogical in a reality as such, but it still steers his way. Deep down, he knows that not everything has to make sense.

When the entire 104th squad (or what’s left of it) is training in the forest, he struggles to keep running under the weight of his backpack, and Reiner grabs it off him as Armin crumbles and pants, trying to stop lagging behind everyone else. At first, he thinks that it’s just a brotherly type of thing that Reiner does with everyone, but he realises that Reiner got punished secretly for it, and has never sounded off a word of complaint to Armin. The taller blonde boy constantly looks over him, helps him during training, taking the brunt of punishments just to help Armin pass the physical exams. When he gets injured because of Armin, Armin feels terribly bad, and tears off a piece of cloth from the hem of his shirt to tie it around his bloody arm, trying to staunch the flow as best as he can. It’s tender, the care he showers on Reiner, but he would do the same for anyone else. It’s ingrained in his nature.

Reiner whispers under his breath that he’s got to marry Armin. 

Armin has no idea why.

He’s just doing what fellow soldiers usually do for each other. 

Reiner’s not the only one. 

It takes Armin a while to notice, but he eventually does. He’s not an idiot, and the other boys are relatively blatant, deluded into thinking that Armin’s too pure and innocent to realise what’s going on around him. 

He hears whispers of his name deep in the night, when the other boys think he’s sound asleep. He keeps his eyes shut when he feels Bertholdt walking over to the edge of his bunk and covering him properly with a blanket. Bertholdt’s tall enough to do that. 

He slows down his breathing when he hears Connie leaving some ointment for his multiple bruises by the side of his bed, having to climb up on the rungs to do so. Connie’s not tall enough. That brand of ointment isn’t cheap relative to their meagre cadet salary, Armin knows, and he feels a little guilty. He’s also mildly indignant that the other boys all see him as someone to be fussed over, someone who clearly gets more bruises than everyone else from lack of skill and needs to be coddled. He can take care of himself, thank you very much. 

Once, after a meeting with the higher ups, he walks back to the bunks and hides behind the door frame when he hears his name come up in their talk. Eren isn’t there, since he’s punished over instigating a fight with Jean, so it’s just Connie, Reiner, Jean, and Bertholdt. 

He’s small enough to conceal himself fairly easily, so he eavesdrops on their conversation. It’s not a very decent thing to do, but he wants to know what they say about him behind his back. Not Jean, but everyone else.

Connie, in a loud bragging tone, says that he once carried Armin across the city in a bridal style.

“You guys have no idea. He was so _adorable_ , with one arm slung around my neck, the other one clutching tightly on my jacket,” he says. He’s blushing, and elaborating on his point with gestures, hands raised as if one arm is under Armin’s back, the other under the back of his knees. “You know how he’s so shy and gentle… He kept apologising for being a burden as I carried him, and my heart just melted, man. He could never be bothering me, you know? That was one of the best times of my life. His hair smells like _vanilla,_ it’s so soft and golden, and I could have just kissed him _right there_ if it just wasn’t for all the commotion and the possibility of getting eaten!”

Armin bravely peeks a little out of the door frame to see the reactions of the rest of them. As he suspects, they’re so focused on the conversation they don’t see his shoulder length blond hair around the side of the wood. 

Jean’s eyes are faraway elsewhere, not really paying attention, looking out at the grounds and the night sky above the pine trees. For a second, Armin thinks he’s thinking about Marco, before he realises that that’s where Eren’s forced to do his punishment of scraping leaves from the ground - and the reason they fight so much suddenly becomes glaringly obvious. 

Reiner’s face is flushed, muttering to himself under his breath, eyes narrowed. Armin barely makes out a few words, from his lips. “ _Vanilla,”_ he seems to say. “ _Shy and gentle._ Something, something, Warrior _?”_ Yeah, okay, he probably misinterpreted the last word. “God, Connie, it was just a one-time thing with Armin. Do you really expect to have that kind of life threatening experience every day, and get to save him while soaring through the air?” he says out loud.

“Well, at least I’ve done it once, which, if I recall correctly, is _one more_ than the rest of you all,” Connie retorts with a smirk. 

If Reiner’s face was considered flushed, Bertholdt’s reaction is equivalent to a literal bonfire. He’s hugging his knees on the wooden floor, face redder than the ripest tomato, staring into nothingness - he looks like he might spontaneously combust right there. If Armin didn’t know any better, he would say that smoke’s practically emitting from his ears, and he’s just smoldering in a corner out of anger and jealousy. 

Bertholdt reminds him a little of Marco, with the same tone of black hair and the quiet attitude. It stings, a little, even if he’s not in love with either of them. Thinking about Marco hurts. 

Armin waits, until the conversation moves on to some other topic, before he wanders in looking tired with half lidded eyes and claims he’s too worn out after the meeting to talk much. They let him pass through with concerned gazes, and he crawls into bed and covers himself up with the thin, scraggly blanket. 

Training the next day is scheduled for practice time with the 3DMG gear, which Armin’s still not really used to. He’s smart, yes, and calculating the trajectory for the direction he wants to fly in or rationalising the best method to go in for the kill is simple enough for him - what’s difficult is keeping his balance in mid air, and aiming the hook at the end of the rope properly. He’s always been pretty terrible with balancing, unlike his more talented friends, and finds himself missing his hook, before hurtling humiliatingly towards the ground, where he predicts he will kiss the mud for the fifth time that week. 

He doesn’t, as Bertholdt swings in out of nowhere to catch him in his arms, blades kept away neatly into their steel sheathes. The tall boy glances down at Armin held tightly in his arms, looking rather timid, as usual. Armin’s hands are pressed against Bertholdt’s steady chest, and he feels the heart beating impossibly quickly underneath his fingers. His own heart, though, beats at its usual pace. There’s no little skip, or strange sense of excitement, just gratefulness that his comrade helped him out.

“Thanks,” Armin murmurs, before Bertholdt looks away shyly and whispers back that it’s no problem at all. They land gracefully on the ground, unsurprisingly. Bertholdt did graduate at 3rd place of the 104th squad, after all.

Armin straightens up, dusting off his knees, and looks up at Bertholdt. It hurts his neck a little, if he’s frank, since the height difference between them is about 30 centimetres, which makes Armin feel tiny. The only person actually shorter than him in the rest of the barracks is the Captain, he thinks, and it’s not a good thing. He, unlike the Captain, is relatively useless.

“Thanks, Bertholdt,” Armin says as he rubs his elbow. “It’s okay if I eat mud again, honestly, I’m used to it at this point, don’t risk helping me. The superiors will dish out a punishment if they catch you doing this, and I don’t want to get you into trouble.”

“It’s no trouble, Armin,” Bertholdt says as he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “I don’t mind.”

A few seconds of silence lapse uncomfortably, and Armin’s about to suggest that they both head back to training, when he’s pulled into a soft and hesitant hug. His face crashes into a strong broad chest, and a hand fists in his hair. It’s surprisingly comfortable, but he doesn’t make a move to press in any further. There’s no mad heart beating, nothing much out of the ordinary, actually. Besides, he doesn’t need a boyfriend. Love isn’t logical.

So, Armin pulls away, ready to break the news gently again. He just isn’t interested, not that way, but he hopes they can still be friends, so on and so forth. 

“Wait, before you say anything, Armin -” Bertholdt begins.

“Yeah?” He finds himself instinctively tilting his head to the side in a questioning manner, which somehow makes Bertholdt look even more nervous, as if he wants to say something, but he doesn’t make it.

“It’s really nothing, just a comrade helping another comrade out,” He finishes.

He’s lying. He’s _definitely_ lying, but it’s not so bad for Armin, since he gets to avoid the conversation entirely, and go back to being friends. It’s a good way for things to turn out, so he doesn’t call Bertholdt out.

“I really appreciate it,” he responds warmly, before smiling. “Let’s go back to training?”

The other boy nods gratefully, and they part ways there. 

Things go on as usual after that - at least, as normal as it can possibly get. Armin still spends time laughing with the rest of the 104th squad, training, goofing off after their scheduled work. It’s generally enjoyable, and Armin doesn’t want any potential romantic feelings to get in the way of all of the camaraderie they have. He still joins in the predictions for the weather based on Bertholdt’s strange sleeping positions, or plucks leaves out of Reiner’s hair. Life is too short to worry about love and sulk instead of enjoying the day with everyone else. 

Though, if he’s honest, he likes spending time with Jean and Eren best. When he’s around them, he knows they don’t see him that way. Eren has always treated him like a brother. Jean’s deeply in love with Eren, and Eren’s a little too thick headed to see it - nevertheless, he doesn’t have to worry about feelings when he’s with them. Their friendship, along with Mikasa, and that of everyone else’s, is more than enough. It’s all he needs in life until he reaches his death, which probably isn’t very far away. 

Friendship is what he seeks, as well as knowledge. If he dies without ever seeing the sea, that’s that. It’s a lot less painful than a potential lover dying, leaving him to bear all the pain by himself. 

He doesn’t want to subject anyone to that kind of suffering, too. 

Other than Jean, Eren, and Mikasa, he likes being friends with Captain Levi. They spend a lot of time with each other, as Armin discusses strategies for the smaller operations with him, while Commander Erwin handles the big picture. Armin’s intimidated at first, but he soon realises that Levi’s easy to be around, despite being 6 years older at the age of 24. 

The Corporal never makes him feel like he’s useless - he always listens with raptured attention to Armin at meetings, the only place where Armin actually shines through with his tactical brilliance and intelligent words that turn everyone’s heads. They’re not gazing at him with pity, they’re waiting for him to speak, and thinking through his plans without any kind of skepticism. 

Outside of work, Levi’s nice enough to Armin, though he doesn’t cut him any slack. He doesn’t particularly go out of his way to be nice to Armin, but he treats him fairly and with thinly veiled concern that he shows everyone else. He compliments the younger boy on his wit and intelligence, but it’s rare and Armin isn’t showered with it, making those comments oh so valuable. 

Armin cares for him, too. He’s aware of the way people look at Levi, like he’s terrifying, and vaguely wonders if Levi actually has any friends - Hange’s a little too overwhelming as a person, and Erwin doesn’t have the time to be proper friends with Levi, or do anything normal friends do with him. Even Humanity’s Strongest Soldier needs a breather from the mantle, Armin thinks to himself, and he pities Levi for having the weight of the world thrown on his shoulders with no friends around to care about little more than his day to day life. They’re all human, after all.

He finds himself wanting to be that friend for Levi, so he makes his mind up to do it. Life is short, and they’re all on the edge of dying. Maybe not Levi, with his prodigious skill, but Armin doesn’t want to leave knowing Levi doesn’t have a proper friend to call his own.

(Admittedly, he’s also a little intrigued. Armin’s not really into love and romance, but Levi is _attractive_ and _enigmatic_ , and everyone knows it. He has sharp and sculpted features, with grey eyes that look like storm clouds over green fields when the air smells of petrichor but it’s not actually raining. It's Armin’s favourite weather.)

***

The next day, he awakens from a nightmare quietly in the wee hours of the morning, when the sky is still dark and everyone else is asleep. The nightmare’s about Marco, again, bitten in half vertically, charred black bits of ash floating where the right side of his body is supposed to be. He sits down next to Marco, on his good side, the side that still has some semblance of his handsome looks, before his own tears spill quietly onto his lap. He’s not sure why he’s crying. They were never lovers, after all. In his dream, Marco’s still breathing shallowly, but Armin doesn’t know how to save him. He can’t. The other boy tugs on his sleeve, and Armin instinctively leans inwards, wondering if Marco is trying to tell him something. He doesn’t say anything, just leans towards Armin with what little effort he has, and presses the good side of his lips to Armin’s own ones. Armin sobs and yells, as always, bawls out in his dream, guilt clutching his chest as Marco disappears into ashes and shadows. 

That’s how his nightmares usually go. He wakes, paralysed in terror, hot tears streaking his cheeks, without any of the rough thrashing around or falling out of beds the way he knows some other cadets have. Nobody wakes up, and he’s left alone with only his thoughts to accompany him. 

He gets out of bed and washes up, since he’s already awake. The thought of going back to sleep doesn’t appeal to him - he doesn’t want any more nightmares. He’d rather start the day now, and do something productive. Not that there’s anything productive to be done at 5am, since training starts at 7.

It doesn’t take him very long to figure out what he wants to do, though. He saunters his way to the kitchen, nabs a few tea leaves without anyone noticing along with a glass cup - and then finds his way back out. In the process, he knocks his foot once against the counter and once again the table in the mess hall. He’s glad that nobody’s around to notice, since taking food and rations from the kitchens are punishable for recruits. 

He heats up water over a fire, pours it into the opaque glass cup, and mixes the tea leaves in, turning the hot water a light shade of green, before walking to the Captain’s room and leaving it on his windowsill. It’s a good thing Levi stays on the first floor. Most of the higher ups do, to make the cadets the ones to walk up the dredgy stairs every day. He contemplates leaving a little note along it, but he doesn’t want the note to end up sounding formal since he’ll still have to call him Captain. He also doesn’t want it to seem like he’s just sucking up to Levi, so he does it anonymously, instead. Just a little, maybe enough to let Levi feel that he’s cared for. 

Before he leaves, he sticks his head in slightly through the window, and looks at Levi, who’s sound asleep, curled up in a chair, his green cloak slipping off his shoulders. Armin wishes for a second that he could climb in and pull the cloak up snugly over his shoulder before he leaves, but the Corporal seems like a really light sleeper, and he wouldn’t want to be caught in his room in the dead of night. So, he leaves, and goes back to his bunk before the rest of the cadets wake up. 

Nobody notices that he had left, not even Eren who sleeps directly beneath him. Eren usually sleeps like a log, after all. The usual animated chatter every morning happens, along with Jean and Eren trying to walk through the door at the same time and bumping against the door painfully - before they yell at each other. Armin’s honestly a little done with their unresolved sexual tension all the time, and wishes they would just make out with each other instead. 

The day goes by relatively uneventfully, with hand to hand combat training in the morning, where he gets smashed into the ground as usual. Nothing surprising, honestly. In fact, he feels like he got off easy - he was paired up with Annie today, and Annie only slammed him into the ground _once_ , compared to the million times that he’s seen Eren or Reiner get crushed against her. Armin even got to throw her down, and found himself on top of her, cerulean blue eyes staring back at him emotionlessly, and he knows that Annie is going easy on him. 

_Not her, too. Why does everyone think they have to go soft on me?_

He stands up a little too quickly, and offers a hand to her before pulling her up to her feet. Not that she really needs it, but she takes his hand, stony gaze fixated on him, and they resume their sparring, before all the cadets are released for lunch time at the mess hall. Eren, Mikasa and Jean pull him over excitedly, before the four of them walk over. 

Armin finds himself wondering absently if Levi had drunk the tea, yet, as he gazes over at Levi’s office, with Jean tugging on his arm and Mikasa declaring that his hair is getting a little too long.

After lunch, Shadis tells him that he’s excused from physical training as he’s wanted by the higher-ups, so he trudges alone to the office that he was glancing at earlier. Erwin’s already inside Levi’s room, and they’re both waiting for him, which makes him extremely antsy. The two most famous people of the Survey Corps, sitting in a room and waiting for the presence of a mere recruit. While it’s true that he wants to be friends with Levi, who isn’t much older than him, he still feels a little intimidated.

He salutes, and greets them with a bow, before Erwin waves him off in a friendly manner. The Commander is always so gentlemanly and well mannered with him, that he personally thinks Shadis could learn a thing or two, instead of stringing recruits by their ears. 

“Have a seat, Armin,” the Commander says warmly. 

So he does. He settles into the chair abashedly, sitting as straight as he can, and he feels two gazes on him. Erwin, with a smile on his lips and a gentle look in his eyes, waiting for Armin to relax, and Levi, with no expression at all. Today, though, his gaze lingers on Armin just a fraction of a second longer than usual. 

“We’re planning the 57th expedition outside of the walls, and we would be ever so grateful for your opinion, Armin.”

“Please don’t put it like that, Sir, Commander, it’s my duty to serve humanity as much as I can, and your own intelligence far outstrips my own, Sir.” 

The Commander laughs, a deep melodious tone.

“I’m sure that’s not true, Armin. You just lack the confidence in yourself,” Erwin says, before he puts one hand on Armin’s slight shoulder, making him jump. “I value what you have to say, very much.” 

Levi coughs slightly, and glares at them both. 

“Are you guys done? With the niceties and all the exchanging of compliments? At this rate, we’ll only start the meeting when the damn sun sets.”

“He’s always so impatient,” Erwin says to Armin in a stage whisper, and shares a small knowing smile along with a wink.

“I have ears, you know. And fists, to smack people with. Would you like to try, Erwin?”

Armin’s feeling relatively awkward between them. Maybe he’s wrong about Levi not having friends, they seem to get along just fine. It’s the first time he’s actually heard Levi crack a joke, and he’s honestly pretty happy that Levi’s capable of friendship like this - so he laughs, a small giggle, covering his mouth with his fingers.

“What’s so funny, brat?” 

“N-n-nothing, Sir!” He quickly straightens his face, stands up, and apologises with a bow. 

“Sit down, brat. You look terrified. I’m not going to eat you. I just want this damn meeting to get started.” 

They proceed with the meeting, the previous lightheartedness fading out as quickly as it had come. The 57th expedition is the only chance they have to capture the other titan shifter, and Armin knows that it’s not a game in which they can afford to lose the bet. Erwin and Levi are both so focused on the plan that their eyes practically never leave the map as they talk, with no second for any kind of irrelevant chatter. 

By the time they finish, it’s already late into the evening. One of the newer recruits with round framed glasses and shoulder length brown hair that Armin doesn’t recognise walks in during their meeting to bring their dinner in on small wooden trays. Erwin stands up, saying that he’ll skip dinner - he has to meet Zackly for dinner, and Levi can have his share. 

Armin and Levi are left to have dinner in the room, alone. 

The Captain’s looking at him, and it gives Armin the shivers. It’s a good time to start making friends, but he didn’t think that the one-to-one setting would come so fast, and he doesn’t feel remotely prepared.

“Arlert. Eat your food, don’t just look at me. It’s getting cold.” 

“Yes, Sir! I’m sorry, Sir!” 

He snorts. 

“You need to relax. I know how people say I’m Humanity’s Strongest Soldier or whatever stupid title it is they have for me these days, but I’m just a regular human. I’m sure you’re more aware of that than most, aren’t you?” 

He gives Armin a knowing look. 

“Yes, Sir. I - “ Armin ponders how to phrase his words carefully. “I don’t think of you as Humanity’s Strongest, Captain, I’m just being polite as you’re my superior, Sir. And if you don’t mind, I would like to be your… friend, Sir. It must be tiring, having everyone see you as merely a soldier,” he says, before he tags on another Sir at the end of the sentence. Just in case.

Armin feels like he’s taking a big risk, saying something like that, but he doesn’t want Levi to think that all he does is see Levi as a soldier. He’s so, so, so much more than that, and above all, he’s just human. Levi watches him like a hawk, and he’s starting to regret saying something that insolent. He doesn’t know how to take it back, though, so he looks down at his own food and waits for the resulting punishment.

“Cut the crap. You wanted to be friends, right? Stop calling me Sir. Levi is fine,” he responds, before he digs into his own food. “Eugh, cold soup. With garlic, too, I told them I hate garlic.”

_Well. That was easy._

“Sir, mine doesn’t have garlic.” Armin says excitedly after stirring through the bowl and taking a taste. “Here, have mine, it’s still a little warm.” He exchanges their bowls brightly, spilling a little of it onto the tray. 

“You spilled some. Now the tray is _dirty_ . I’m also saliva conscious.” He looks down at the food with distaste. “And you called me Sir, _again,_ ” Levi says. 

“Ah, well…” Armin says faintly. First moment he’s actually _friends_ with the Captain, and he royally messes it up. Typical Armin. “I’ll take the bowl back then and clean up the mess, Levi,” he enunciates carefully. The name rolls off his lips much more smoothly than he thought it would.

“Just sit down and eat, Armin. Stop fussing.” Levi digs into the soup before Armin takes the bowl from him. 

Today is a day of firsts. He’s pleasantly surprised to hear the Captain address him by his name, too. It sounds practised, familiar, as if he’s said a million times, though Armin knows he hasn’t.

Armin starts eating, and it tastes surprisingly good. The squad leaders and captains always get better food than the recruits, and he’s always looking forward to having dinner with them for this sole reason. It does sound a little silly, but what else is he supposed to care about at this point?

“Levi, this food is _great_!” he says, a childish smile on his face.

“It’s alright, I guess.” 

_He’s not really that easy to talk to, or to make friends with. The other cadets are usually much more responsive to anything I have to say._

“Say, Armin.”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve heard - from - from Hange, that you have wonderful stories of the world outside everything we see. Could you… share them with me?”

Levi’s looking away as he sips at his tea. 

Armin finds it incredibly… _adorable._ It’s not a word that’s suitable to describe someone like the Corporal, who has killed more than a hundred 15 metre monsters, but he can’t help but think it. It’s like he’s a kid, wanting to make friends, but not knowing how - so he asks something stupid. Armin can’t seem to stop himself from grinning happily, a little giddy with happiness and success.

“Stop smiling! Fine, don’t share then!” 

“No, I want to,” Armin chuckles, and dishes more food from his own plate onto Levi’s plate, who grimaces at the food. 

“You’ve already eaten from my plate, might as well have more, yeah? Can’t let you go hungry, since it’s going to be a long, long night. Of information that you wish you knew. Lecture 1, I’m going to tell you about the ocean.” 

“The… ocean. That sounds like the name of a… bread.” 

“No, Levi, you’re so not going to believe me when I tell you what the ocean is! It’s literally, water, but a lot of water.” He waits for the shock to settle in, and for Levi to respond with something like ‘no way!’. 

“Water,” Levi repeats blankly.

“Yes, but, like, more water you can imagine. A giant water patch three times as big as Wall Sina, and it’s so deep that there’s all sorts of strange creatures inside. There’s animals that live completely underwater, and they don’t have noses, but they breathe with slits on the side of their necks. And there’s animals called whales, they don’t have noses, too, but they have like, a little hole on the top of their head that acts as their nose. This water patch, it’s actually full of salt. But you can’t take it out! It’s all inside, and there’s so much salt that it would be more than all our soldiers can finish! It’s also the reason why we stay on the surface of the water, even though it’s deeper than 5 Colossal Titans on top of each other...”

Armin ploughs on relentlessly. Once he starts a lecture, he intends on seeing it all the way to the end. Levi still has no expression on his face, but his eyes have this gaze that just screams ‘help me’. Well, too bad. He signed up for this, and Armin doesn’t let people drop out of his class that easily if he can help it.

By the time he finishes talking about the ocean, and how humans came from fishes and choking on food is a result of the manner of development of the trachea and the throat from gills - it’s already 11pm, and the noise of cadets fooling around outside has faded into a silence embellished by the occasional rustle of leaves. 

“Ah, Sir, I’m so sorry - I took so long to finish talking -“

“It’s alright. I suppose this is more of Hange’s areas of interest rather than mine, anyway, but... Thanks for spending your time talking to me.”

“That was only the first part covering oceans……. There’s deserts, glaciers, tundras, evolution, etc.” 

Levi blanches. 

“I understand that your time is very precious, Sir, I shan’t disturb you anymore, I’ll take my leave now, Sir,” Armin says nervously. 

The Captain’s looking out the window, not saying anything, so Armin takes it as a cue for him to leave. He turns around, heads towards the exit, and his hand is on the doorknob when he hears Levi’s chair turn in his direction. 

“Next meeting is on the 12th. Tell me more about… the desert, after that.”

Armin doesn’t turn around to see his face, but he responds.

“Yes Sir. Good night, Sir,” he says softly, eyes on the wooden door in front of him, before he walks out, and closes the door quietly behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story turns out to be longer than I intended, so instead of a one-shot it's going to be multiple chapters! Since it's really pretty slow-burn by my standards, since I really wanted to illustrate a story about becoming friends, and a relationship built on solid foundations and knowing each other very emotionally intimately. That, and them constantly improving each other to grow as people, rather than simply infatuation. Helping each other, being each other's guiding light. That's basically the premise of this Rivarmin story. (Okay, now that the proper End Note is out of the way, onto the rambling with the terrible grammar!) 
> 
> I think i really liked exploring Marco’s presence / legacy in this story? Like in the previous installment, Jean thinks about Marco a lot too, like a spirit or a light that guides his way. In this one, Marco’s silently guiding armin, even though he’s dead and armin never got to reciprocate his love. sAD Like omg i expected this story to be absolutely FUNNY and fluffy and it turns into all this BLEUHG 
> 
> also i’m sorry it was a pretty slow burn for the rivarmin cos like the idea of writing armin together with literally everyone is so adorable I’M SIMP FOR ARMIN X EVERYONE i genuinely feel like everyone who has any inkling of common sense would be in love with armin?? yehaw writing this 3rd installment of the series has been on my mind every single day since i posted jean’s pov but like !!! life keeps getting in teh way so i’m sorry it took so long and i have like 10 other fic ideas right now bc i really want to try writing an AU and i somehow imagine jean to be a dashing model 
> 
> i love berturtle too actl but i don’t really buy the whole bertholdt x reiner thing for some reason soooooooooo 
> 
> one of these days i’m going to write some crappy smutty armin is omega to everyone kind of fic and u can’t stop m ee just watch and wait for it to turn up and i think nobody will read it HAHAHAHAHA
> 
> Edit: I wrote the above passage (blurb) while falling asleep in a really boring lecture related to law, and I now realise upon rereading this that I might have been very incoherent and in a bout of coffee addiction. Help me. I'm going to quit college, and be a full time romance novel writer.  
> (if you're my tutor and you're somehow reading this, i'm kidding. i loved your lecture. so much.)


	2. Fun fact: You're a Capricorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi brings Armin to see the stars, though he knows absoutely nothing about constellations.

Armin wakes up early over the next few days, and ends up delivering tea to Levi’s room every single day. Sometimes it’s the nightmares - sometimes he has a peaceful night of sleep, but his eyes snap open at 3am, as if telling him that there’s some place he has to be. It’s a strange feeling. 

It becomes a routine for him to leave the tea on his windowsill, making a different flavour every day with their limited rations. (At this rate, he will really get caught for stealing. He can almost imagine everyone’s reaction at the usual goody-two-shoes  _ stealing _ food. He never flouts any rules, but here he is.)

This morning is no different. It’s drizzling slightly, but he finds it hard to abandon his habit, so he simply wraps his cloak around himself, puts his hood up, and trudges out on the wet soil. Today is going to be black tea with a date, he thinks to himself. Just a little hint of sweetness that doesn’t overpower the bitterness of the tea leaves. Just like Levi himself. 

By the time he reaches the usual windowsill, his blond hair is wet and dripping - he took his cloak off to cover the tea instead. Hiis bangs are wet and pressed against his own forehead uncomfortably - he had not foreseen the rain becoming so heavy.

The rain doesn’t look like it’s going to stop any time soon, so he stands under the awning at the windowsill, trying futilely to dry himself off. When he peeks in, Levi’s still in his chair, eyes closed, tucked under a dry cloak. 

_ That looks nice,  _ Armin thinks wistfully.  _ And warm. It’s bordering on summer, but I’m still freezing.  _

He doesn’t notice, but his elbows are propped on the edge of the windowsill, and he’s staring in longingly. The fireplace is still stoked with fire, warm and lovely, and he just can’t help but watch the embers, intoxicatingly bright when he’s still standing outside in the dark, cold and pathetic.

“Armin. Add more tea leaves next time, will you? It’s always a little on the bland side.”

Levi’s voice knocks him out of his reverie, and he jumps, nearly sending the cup of tea crashing to the floor. When he tears his eyes away from the fire, he sees that Levi still has his eyes closed, looking more relaxed than Armin has ever seen him. 

Armin’s  _ embarrassed _ . He didn’t expect Levi to find out about him sneakily leaving tea out for him every day. Retrospectively, he realises with a little bit of shame that Levi’s one of the most capable soldiers mankind has to offer, and there was no way clumsy Armin would be able to escape his sharp eyes. 

“Yes Sir, I will, Sir.”

“What did I say about calling me that? I’m not that much older than you, Armin. Just treat me like a friend, and tell me stupid things I don’t care about.” He opens one eye, and sinks further into the chair. “I don’t have many people I can call friends.”

“I know. That’s why… The tea. And all.”

He looks thoughtful.

“Come in, Armin. You’re going to freeze your ass off if you stay outside there.”

He doesn’t think he should, but the fire beckons to him so sweetly, and he finds himself falling for the temptation, before clambering onto the windowsill and tumbling into the room in a very ungraceful manner. The way he bumps his shoulder on the frame and knocks his knees makes him very insecure, in front of the Captain who’s always lithe and agile. 

“You should have some kind of common sense in that smart brain of yours, Arlert. It’s raining. I appreciate the tea, but I won’t die without a cup for today,” Levi says as he slides out of his chair dexterously, and tugs Armin’s wet cloak off him. He puts his hands on Armin’s shoulders, sits him down in front of the roaring fireplace, rubs his wet hair with a towel, and wraps his own cloak around him. 

“Take mine for today, and maybe for the next couple of days, Armin. I’ll dry yours, and mend the little hole in the corner. It positively  _ irks _ me. How you cadets live your messy lives is unfathomable to me.”

“Yes, Capta - Levi,” Armin says quietly, followed by a loud sneeze. 

“Cover your mouth with your hands when you sneeze, don’t get the germs everywhere in my room, you brat.” 

“I’m sorry, Sir!” Another huge sneeze follows, with Armin remembering to cover his nose and mouth in time. 

“Damn, Arlert, you’re such a mess, and I can’t believe I have to babysit you. Come here.” 

Levi pulls him in close, and Armin’s heart skips a single beat, before he realises that Levi is simply wrapping another layer of his shirts over him. He feels a twinge of disappointment, but he shakes it off. There’s no reason to be disappointed, really. What he’s feeling doesn’t make sense, so he promptly shelves it to the back of his head, and doesn’t give it much thought. The shirt and the cloak’s warm - he feels himself getting a little drowsy. He could fall asleep right here, on the soft carpet that none of them usually have the luxury to even touch. 

“Skip the training for today. You’re sick. I’ll help you catch up later.” 

“I can’t, Sir, I’m… bad enough as it is. Physically. I’m already so much of a loser… If I don’t work hard, I won’t be able to catch up to the rest of the cadets, Sir, it’s alright. I’m sorry for imposing, I’ll head over to training soon.”

“I heard you don’t flout rules, Armin.” 

“Yes, Levi.” He’s still getting used to remembering to call Levi by his name.

“Am I your superior? Am I your commanding officer?”

“Yes, Sir.” 

“Then listen to me. Rule 1. You spend the rest of the day resting. You can rest here, if you like, or in the infirmary. I’ll write a note to them, if that’s what you prefer. Rule 2. Stop it with the formalities, I’ll actually get angry if I hear you say Sir one more time.” 

“You ask me not to call you Sir, but you’re literally pulling your weight here and ordering me around,” Armin points out intelligently, and it earns him a gentle, teasing flick to the forehead. 

“Brat.” 

Levi’s leaning in really close - a little like the way Marco leaned in before kissing him - and Armin waits. He doesn’t pull away, he just waits, patiently, for what he thinks is going to come. For the first time in his life, he doesn’t think he would be so averse to getting kissed and being loved. Saying he wants it would be a bit of an overstatement, but he definitely  _ wouldn’t mind _ . 

The Captain, however, seems as if he had no such intention. He presses the back of his hand to Armin’s forehead instead, and Armin pouts a little instinctively.

“You’re having a slight fever. You should go lie down, get in some sleep.”

“I’ll head back to my bunk, then. Could you maybe write me that note you were talking about? So that Shadis doesn’t punish me,” Armin says meekly.

“You’re in no state to walk all the way back. You can use my bed, Armin.” 

“Your… bed?”

Levi narrows his eyes. 

“Don’t overthink it. I don’t use the bed anyway. I’d rather sleep in a chair. So it’s clean. And I’ll probably have to disinfect the whole room over again once you’re done with it.”

Exhaustion seems to overtake Armin. His mind is still relatively clear and awake, but his physical body is wracked, aching with bruises accumulated over the past few days and the fever that’s working its way out of his system. He doesn’t find it in him to argue, so he nods tiredly, and lets Levi help him to the bed, a little too fatigued to pay attention to the way Levi picks him up in a fireman’s lift as if he weighs less than a ragdoll. It’s not that big of a deal, anyway. Soldiers help each other around all the time. Physical contact is inevitable in their line of work. 

When he falls into the silk sheets gently, it strikes him how clean it smells, a scent of lavender soap. Levi is a really clean person, after all, and there’s no hint that a human has ever been in this bed. He’s feeling a little hazy, and barely registers him sitting on the edge of the bed, a comfortable and respectful distance away from Armin’s resting body. 

“Why are you doing all this for me, Armin?” 

Sleep is starting to pull Armin into its embrace, but he hangs in there and keeps his eyes open, looking at Levi. 

“Not much of a reason.”

“What kind of answer is that?” Levi’s not looking at him again, and he’s staring out of the window where it’s still dark - and raining heavily. 

“Must there be a reason?”

“Everything has a reason.” Levi leans backwards and glances sideways at him, with that cold and piercing gaze. 

“I just wanted to be friends. I felt kind of like… everyone around you saw you as a soldier, or someone to look up to, or someone to have to fight for humanity over and over again until the end of your life…” Armin says, his eyes half closed in the comfort of the blanket and the sound of the rain outside. He thinks that this is the most comfortable he’s ever been in his life. The officers do get really nice rooms. 

“Being a soldier is my job. It’s the reason for my existence, Armin.” He pauses. “The day you signed up is the day it, too, becomes your reason for existing.” 

“Life isn’t just about that one thing, you know, Levi. I want to live, to see the ocean. Sit on a beach, with soft sand. Splash around in the water. And it’s not just what’s outside the walls. I’m aware that I’m a soldier, but I have friends around me that make dying seem a little less frightening. They make life seem a little bit better, even if we’re all laughing over spoiled rations, or something. I appreciate the small things in life, because what else is there to care about at this point? When I know I’m going to die soon enough?”

Levi doesn’t say anything, just continues looking out the window. He shifts slightly closer to Armin, ever so subtly.

“I thought it’d be nice, if you had someone to fuss over your everyday life. The dumbest, stupidest, mundane things that nobody thinks you care about, but I think you do. Someone to make you tea and hear you rant about stupid recruits. I wanted to see you as a  _ human _ , rather than a  _ soldier _ . Seems to me you could use someone like that, too. A friend. A boring life, where the most interesting thing is the bargain at the market. Someone who can try to bring that to you. I’m sorry. Am I overstepping my boundaries here?” Armin’s gaze has left Levi’s sharp features, to look at the fireplace as the embers sway and glow.

“It’s a nice perspective.” 

Armin’s almost falling asleep, when Levi speaks up.

“I had friends, just like that. Like you, and those two dark haired shitty brats that follow you around all the time while you crack your schemes. Don’t think I haven’t noticed,” he says, as Armin sits up to listen. 

If he lies down, he’ll fall asleep, and he doesn’t want that. He wants to hear what the Captain has to say. 

“Lie down, Arlert, what do you think you’re doing?” Levi stands up, presses his hands on Armin’s shoulders to coax him back into lying down, and covers the blanket over him, smoothing out the creases with one hand. 

Armin usually doesn’t like people treating him like he’s useless or weak, but the sensation of being tucked into bed is surprisingly welcome. It reminds him of when his grandfather used to tell him bedtime stories after his parents had left him behind. He lets Levi do it without any protest on his part, just murmuring softly to him that he’ll fall asleep if he lies down. 

_ Maybe it’s not so bad to fall asleep now, with Levi’s hands on my shoulder. It’s reassuring. I’ve never felt this safe since… forever. The fear of losing someone’s always there, at the back of my mind. My parents left. My grandfather was forced to leave. Eventually, Eren and Mikasa are going to find someone they care about, and leave me behind, too.  _

_ I  _ think _ I might be falling in love.  _

_ I don’t want Levi to leave.  _

_ I want him to stay here with me, looking over me as I sleep, tucking me in gently.  _

“That’s the point, brat. You’re _ supposed _ to sleep,” Levi says, leaning over him, strands of black hair obscuring his face as he fusses with the blanket to make it more comfortable. 

“I don’t want to.”

“Are you five?” 

“... Maybe.” 

“I seem to recall that you’re eighteen. Based on your file.” 

“You read my file?” 

Levi scoffs, and stops fussing with the blanket. He pulls back, and returns to his seat at the edge of the bed. Armin finds that he wants to pull on Levi’s wrist and whisper for him to stay where he is. The moment of security he had vanished in a second, and it was the best time he’s had in his short, miserable life. He doesn’t want to let go.

He doesn’t say anything, and burrows back into the blankets.

“Isabel and Farlan.” 

“Hmm?”

“The names of my best friends. The Mikasa and Eren to my Armin.”

_ My Armin.  _

Armin’s heart gives a little jolt, though he knows that that’s completely not what Levi means at all. He’s just cherry picking the words out of context to fuel the tiny seed of romance that had just been planted in his heart. It’s pathetic.

Levi pulls his knees up, and hugs them. It makes him look much more vulnerable than the usual position of leaning back with his legs crossed and his trademark air of disdain. 

“They died, on a mission. She - She was - “

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I know it’s hard for you.” 

“No, Armin, I want to. I haven’t told this to anyone, and I kind of - want to - I want to get this off my chest. I hope you - you don’t mind listening.” 

It’s the first time he hears Levi stutter, and it makes his heart break. He couldn’t imagine losing both Eren and Mikasa, forever.

“Can you sit a little closer? I can’t really hear you,” Armin says. He can hear Levi just fine, but he wants to be able to - have some kind of  _ physical  _ contact with him as he lies down. Sometimes, words just don’t cut it. Even for someone with the gift of the gab, like him. A hug, or even brushing of fingertips could mean a thousand words to someone in grief.

Levi raises an eyebrow, but he moves closer to Armin, who reaches out to grasp Levi’s cold hand in his own.

“I’m glad you’re talking to me about this, Levi,” Armin says in the warmest voice he can muster, and squeezes gently. Maybe he’s starting to develop something for Levi, but he knows that the hand holding right now is out of pure need to comfort Levi as any decent friend would do. He wants to give his friend a comfortable environment to talk about their deepest pain. That’s all there is, to it.

Levi squeezes his hand back. 

“She was - decapitated. I saw her head at my feet. Farlan - Farlan was eaten, too. I watched it happen. I avenged their deaths, I chopped the Titan that killed them both into nothingness, but nothing that I did could bring them back. Nothing that could change the fact that I had left my duty of titan-killing to do some petty crime that would give the three of us better futures, and that cost them everything they had. I made a bad choice, and I paid for it with the lives of my best friends.” 

Armin runs his thumb over the back of Levi’s hand in a soothing manner. 

“You were doing what you thought was best for them. It’s not your fault,” he says gently. 

“It is. I made a terrible choice, I’m stupid, and I left them unattended. I wanted to die that day, along with them. Pay the price together with them.”

“You have already paid the price, Levi. You’ve been paying it every single moment since it happened, for years, by feeling remorse and guilt that eats at you and tells you you’re not worthy enough to be alive. Isabel and Farlan wouldn’t want you to feel this way, either.” 

Levi’s pointedly not looking at him, and Armin lets go of his hand to turn around in the bed, facing the wall. Levi deserves some privacy, and Armin will gladly give him that. There’s a time for talking, and there’s a time to let them grief in silence. 

He pretends to fall asleep. He snores a little for additional effect. That’s when he hears Levi start to sob. 

***

They don’t talk about that day, ever again. 

Armin still makes tea, every day, without fail, for the Captain. 

Some days, Levi’s awake, and he can hear the movement in the room - so he crouches down on the floor, hides under the windowsill, and sticks one hand out to leave the tea on the ledge before he leaves. He’s not stupid, Levi probably knows, but he doesn’t know what he would say. Would he say ‘Good Morning, Sir, here’s your tea!’ or ‘Levi, I changed the ingredients according to your note yesterday, good talk, see you around!’?

He’s not actually  _ that _ good with navigating emotions, so he opts to avoid going into that terrain at all. Only a stupid soldier goes to grasslands when he knows that buildings are his lifeline. (Quite literally.) 

The days where he thinks Levi is asleep, he takes a little while to stare at the fireplace and Levi’s sleeping form after he leaves the tea. He’s not a creep - he just misses the vulnerability they had with each other. The time where he felt like Levi could also be his best friend, like Eren or Mikasa. They’re better friends now, and he did give Levi the desert talk, but it’s still not the same as what they had that day. 

About two weeks pass, and he’s starting to accept that it was a one-time event. Levi’s too strong, too capable, to let down his walls all the time, and Armin has just got to live with that. He’s fine. It’s not like he’s been spending a lot of time thinking that maybe they could be a little more than friends. Not lovers, but… something in between. Whatever that grey area can mean. 

He’s on his way in the wee hours of the morning, again, to steal tea from the kitchen. The guilt that he had felt at the beginning of his thievery has all but vanished in the light of it becoming a habit in his life. He hums softly to himself, as he saunters leisurely into the kitchen and he opens the jar of tea leaves sitting casually on the counter.

“What are you doing?” A voice behind him suddenly says.

_ I’m dead. I’m dead. I’ll probably have to pick up horse manure for a week straight. Scratch that, I might have my salary docked by half. Or maybe I’ll have no salary at all for the next 6 months.  _

Armin spins around frantically, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“I thought you said you didn’t flout the rules, Cadet,” Levi says, a slight tilt at the edge of lips. “Your expression when you got caught, Armin, it’s the first hilarious thing in the entirety of the year.” 

“Yet, you are not laughing.”

“I am laughing. Right now. Deep down in the depths of my heart, I promise.” 

“ _ You _ find it hilarious that  _ you _ scared the shit out of me by pretending to be a superior and catching me, stealing tea leaves, for  _ you _ .” Armin says while pointing at Levi. He’s flabbergasted, yet he’s slightly tempted to laugh. Only slightly. He’s still mad. 

“Yes. And no, I’m not pretending, I  _ am _ your superior.”

“Very funny.” 

“I’m glad you find my prank hilarious.” 

“I don’t.” Armin stifles his laughter. “I don’t, not at all, Sir. That was sarcasm.” He’s trying to keep a stern face as his lips defy him and start to curve upwards. 

Levi yanks the cap of the jar out of Armin’s hands, and cleans the dust off with a napkin before he puts it back with precision. 

“Forget about the tea, come with me. I want to show you something.”

“Yes, Sir.” 

Levi glares at him, before he walks ahead, and Armin follows behind closely. 

He brings him to a dark staircase that’s surprisingly clean. Armin would think that an unused staircase like this would usually be dusty and damp, but it’s kept in good condition. The railings don’t have a single speck of dust on them, and they’re almost glowing softly in the light of the night. It smells clean, too, like lavender. Levi’s favourite scent. 

He must frequent here often.

The small and narrow steps lead up to an opening in the roof, and he walks out from the hole into a night full of stars. 

A gasp escapes his mouth. They’re standing on a little ledge next to the roof, and it’s here where Armin feels a lot closer to the rest of the universe. The stars wink at him, beckoning him closer, and he stretches his hand out to them. Capricornus, Scorpius… The night sky feels like a fabric, weighing down on the earth, so close that he can almost touch it. He imagines it to feel like that one dark blue velvet dress his mom used to own, dotted with tiny imitation crystals. It was her one precious item, that she wore the day she left with his father to see the world outside. 

“It’s beautiful, Levi.” 

“It’s nice enough, I guess.”

“Thanks for bringing me here.”

Levi steps off the roof, onto the shingles. He reaches a hand out to Armin, who’s balancing unsteadily on the ledge and halfway to toppling down the side of the building. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got this,” he reassures Levi.

“Suit yourself,” Levi says. He hops over the shingles with practised ease, hands slightly raised at his side, as if he’s getting ready to fly. The way he manoeuvres gracefully in the air? Armin can almost believe he has real wings of freedom, one black and one white. He gets to the middle of the roof and sits down against the red terracotta, patting the shingle next to him and gesturing for Armin to join him.

It’s what comes out of Levi’s mouth that really bedazzles him, though. The way he said “suit yourself”. That’s what he likes about Levi. Levi never sees him as someone useless, or forces his help onto Armin. If Armin wants to struggle by himself, Levi lets him. (At least until the point where he sees that Armin’s not being sensible and he’s simply trying to sooth his insecurities in a grand, stupid, gesture - then he steps in.) 

Armin wobbles his way over, under Levi’s watchful eye, before finally sitting down next to him. 

It’s just the two of them, under the brightest night sky Armin has seen in a very long while. It’s as if the stars know that they have an audience tonight, and put on their most glamorous outfits. 

“Hey, after - after Isabel and Farlan, don’t you have any other close friends? I mean, Erwin, your squad, your fiancee…” Armin feels like he’s overstepping his boundaries  _ again _ , but these are what friends are for. To ask about each other’s lives. He’s also admittedly a little curious about the Captain’s relationship with Petra.  _ Just a little _ . 

“Who the hell’s my fiancee? Don’t tell me Hange.”

“No, I was talking about Sergeant Petra. The cute girl with the short orange hair.” 

“Petra?” Levi snorts. “I'm not into her. We’re not together, not at all. Aren’t you one nosy cadet, Arlert. Sniffing around for details on your Captain’s love life, or rather,  _ lack thereof. _ ” 

“I’m sorry, Sir!” 

“If you want to find out if I’m taken or not, all you need to do is ask. By the way, the answer is no.”

“O-o-oh.” Armin finds himself at a loss for words.

Levi’s single. In fact, he seemed relatively eager for Armin to find that out.

Now, what? What does it really matter? Armin told himself he won’t get a boyfriend. He still has nightmares about Marco. Sometimes, it’s mingled with nightmares of Levi, dead, his corpse missing an eye, and it scares Armin beyond anything. He’s not ready to have a relationship, not in a world where him and Levi are both soldiers, their lives on the line.

“Erwin and I are good friends, but there’s only so far you can go in terms of developing the friendship when both parties are relatively entangled with the future of humanity. We don’t really talk about much other than work. The squad and I - I would say we’re all friends. I trust them with my life. At the same time, it’s like they can’t seem to put down the barrier between us, the one that spells that I’m their leader and they have to follow what I say.”

He hesitates.

“You’re one of my closest friends, Armin. Maybe the closest. Maybe.”

Seeing Armin’s starstruck reaction, Levi clearly decides to backtrack.

“Don’t flatter yourself, I told you, I don’t have many friends to begin with. It’s like coming 1st place in a race, but you’re the only contestant. Not much of a competition,” the Captain points out. 

“So… I’m first place.”

Armin can’t seem to keep the stupidly wide smile off his face, though. He’s Levi’s closest friend. He’s never been number 1 with anyone. Not his parents, not Eren, not Mikasa, not Jean. 

“Stop smiling, Armin! Fuck. It’s time you talk. I’ve said so much, it’s like I’ve used up my talking quota for the entirety of next week. Tell me stupid shit again. I’m tired.” 

Armin scrambles to think of a topic on command. There’s nothing much he knows better than nature, than the world around them, so he launches straight into talking about what he sees above their heads. 

“That’s Capricorn. Your star sign, isn’t it?” 

“What’s a star sign?” 

“You know, one of the books I’ve read says that one’s birthday aligns them to a certain constellation in the sky. That’s your constellation,” Armin says patiently, as if talking down to a toddler.

“What’s a constellation?” 

Armin feels like if he hadn’t signed up as a soldier, he would have made a fascinatingly good teacher. 

“It’s a whole group of stars that are in a certain pattern or formation. Your constellation is the one with the two triangles there - your birthday is December 25th, isn’t it? Christmas Day.” 

“Yeah, it is,” Levi says, as he squints, peering at the sky. “I can’t see it.” 

The way Levi angles his head towards Armin and leans in close to see his point of view makes Armin’s heart jump. The soft raven hair is tickling slightly at his ear, and he tries to fight down the blush appearing on his cheeks. He still isn’t sure what he feels about the Captain. He knows that no other person being in such proximity to him has made his heart beat this way before, though.

“Is this what you do with your friends? Talk about the sky, the sea, and everything in between?”

“Sometimes. I brought Eren and Mikasa to see the constellations one night, but all that happened was Mikasa fussing over Eren not bringing a coat out since it’s cold, and Eren yelping that he’s too old for her coddling, so it wasn’t particularly… wow. You know? They’re not exactly good listeners, the way you are.” 

“Why wouldn’t I listen to you? You’re intellectual.” 

_ Well, that’s a nice compliment. He doesn’t really recall Levi complimenting anyone before. _

“I’m not. Just books, and cleverness, these don’t mean very much. Anyone can pick up a book and know all this information.”

“It’s not just knowing all these random bits of facts. It’s also the way your eyes brighten when you think of a strategy, and you share it with us and it’s something that actually works. It’s your eye for detail, when we’re dividing up the routes, and you know when a map’s missed out on charting certain terrain that isn’t good for horseback. You should be more confident. Don’t tell me you’re okay with yourself, because I can see you’re clearly not. It’s an order from your commanding officer to work on your insecurities, because I can guarantee you, you’re not a complete dumbass.”

He ruffles Armin’s hair. It’s comfortable. It doesn’t spell romance, it just feels like friendship, and Armin’s okay with that.

“Thanks, Levi. I’ve never really thought of it that way before.”

“I know, so I’m telling you now. You’re capable. Not conventionally capable, but you have the makings of someone like Erwin.” 

He doesn’t know what to say, so he just blushes and thanks Levi again, who waves it off. 

“Talking about your friends, are Eren and Mikasa together? They seem very close. She always looks like she wants to rip my throat out when I touch a single hair on his head. Not that I couldn’t take her.” 

Armin laughs. He never would have pegged Levi as a gossip, too. Though he supposes Levi is just returning the favour. He’s asked a lot of intrusive questions, and now he’s getting his revenge. 

“No, Levi, they’re not. They’re family. I’m… a part of that family too, I guess. Maybe. And, you might lose to Mikasa. Not even joking here.” 

“You underestimate me, Arlert.”

“And you underestimate Mikasa, Ackerman.” 

“Are you trying to say Mikasa Ackerman or Mikasa, Ackerman?”

“That’s not funny, Levi, that’s just lame.” 

“Shut it. I’m not very good at being funny.” 

They settle into comfortable silence, as Armin keeps looking up at the sky. It’s gorgeous, as is the company. Stealing a glance at the Captain, he quickly looks away when their gazes meet and he finds that he’s staring into grey-blue irises for a little too long.

Armin feels like he doesn’t want to stop himself from falling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little on the short side! There's also not really any other characters because I mainly wanted the focus to be on the development of their platonic friendship, with the backdrop of all the beautiful nature scenes that Armin would absolutely love. Next chapter will hopefully see a little more bit development on the romantic side! I guess I just wanted to show how comfortable they are with each other as people, before they bring it up to the next step, and all the confusion that comes with navigating love. Like it's really important to me that they have a mature adult-ish relationship, in contrast to the innocent puppy love that Jean and Eren shared in the previous two parts of these series. I would describe it as a relationship that's like coming home to a warm cup of tea on a rainy day, rather than a roller-coaster ride or an adventure to see the wonders of the world. Not that there's anything wrong with the type that Jean and Eren have! It's just that I feel this is more suited to people like Armin and Levi, more calm and stable and homely. 
> 
> (It's actually S1 Armin and Levi, by the way, I just aged them up a little bit, so that the age gap and 15 year old Armin don't bother my heart that much.) Reason why I'm writing S1 characters is not because I haven't caught up (I'm still with the latest chapter of aot) but it's just because I like the setting and it's a little less complicated to write. 
> 
> Ciao! See you in the next chapter. If you've read so far, I love you! Drink water! Sleep well! Get more rest! You're amazing and I hope you have a great day!


	3. You're so Handsome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin tells Levi about Marco.

The next day is his off day, with Jean and Eren. Mikasa announces that she’s going to spend her off day going into the district market with the other girls, which takes all three of them by surprise, since she’s always clinging to Eren and Armin. (As well as barely tolerating Jean on the side.) 

Just before they head out, Jean and Eren are bickering over the top of his head for the 10th time that week. They’re dressed out of their uniforms, with Armin wearing his light blue shirt that’s loose around his torso - and Jean and Eren, somehow wearing matching button down white shirts and brown pants.

“You just _had_ to copy me, Horse Face!” 

“Shut up! You copied me first! So unoriginal, a white shirt and brown pants? Gross!”

“You’re wearing the same thing too, Kirschstein, that makes you even more gross than me! You think Mikasa’s going to like you like that? Or are you trying to get your grubby hands on Armin? Lay off my friends!”

“I’m not into your friends, bonehead! You just think that ‘cause you’re an obsessive little - little - butthead!” 

Jean’s running out of insulting nicknames to call Eren, and Armin hopes, for the love of walls, that Jean gets his head out of his ass and tells Eren what he really feels. He can’t take much more of these awful strange concoctions of bad words put together. 

They continue quarreling with each other all the way to the market square, and Armin’s one hundred and one percent done. He just wants to go to the shoddy old bookstore, and read. In _silence_. Without his two best friends mimicking each other and making faces like they’re 10. Even 10 year old Armin wasn’t that childish. Eren, though, seems like he hasn’t grown up at all, which is regrettable. Usually, Mikasa’s around to rein him in, but today Eren is going full blown loud and obnoxious.

“We’re in the market. Jean. Eren. Tone it down, please. It’s our off day. Maybe you guys should think about actually _communicating._ It works wonders.” 

“Arm, I didn’t start the shit! I look better in the shirt and the pants, don’t I?” Eren pulls Armin towards him, by his arm.

Armin privately thinks that Levi would look really good in that outfit. Plus, Jean’s and Eren’s shirt both have creases. Levi would never allow unintentional folds in his shirt. He’s got the household thing down to the letter.

“‘Min, it’s obviously me. Stupid Jaeger over there is a little too short, to fit well. You tell him!” Jean tugs Armin back towards him. 

_That would be a lie, Jean. I know you think he fits that shirt perfectly right, and you think you’re a little too tall for it. You just don’t want to say anything._

_Short guys look impeccable in shirts like that too, alright, Jean. Even if they’re 160 centimetres tall._

He sighs, in real life. Every - single - day. The Jean and Eren shitshow. Layers and layers of unresolved sexual tension. Jean’s using him to make Eren jealous. Eren’s overly protective of him, and refuses to let Jean into his inner circle. This is ridiculous. He should have just stayed behind and spent his off day with Levi, watching him do paperwork. That would have been a much more productive use of his time. 

Armin wants to spend his day in the bookstore, but he reluctantly follows them both into the clothes shop, where Jean forces a grey-green shirt with brown string at the collar into Eren’s hands, and tells him that it will look good on him. It matches his teal eyes. Eren says that he hates Jean’s taste, and that’s the one shirt he will _never_ buy, but he doubles back around to the shop surreptitiously after they leave, loudly announcing that he had left his wallet there. 

He really lacks any kind of subtlety.

Maybe Eren likes him back. Armin doesn’t think too much about it. It’s strange thinking that his best friend’s in love with someone. Eren always seems like such an asexual person. It’s a little more far fetched to think that he, like Jean, is arguing just to get the other person’s attention. 

By the time they’re back for dinner, Armin’s exhausted. He loves his best friends, but without Mikasa there to handle the situation, he’s completely worn down by their endless amounts of energy. He spends dinner squashed in the middle of them, both of which refuse to move over to the other side of the table. It’s infuriating, and Armin feels like he’s lost nearly every ounce of patience he has for them. 

Eren pulls Armin towards him with one arm, and yells that Armin’s _his_ friend, and Jean shouldn’t think too much about him, or he’ll get a fist to the face. 

He’s feeling resigned. Eren’s grip is strong, and it’s frankly a little painful. His eardrums can’t keep going on like this, they’ll rot. 

Levi’s watching him across the hall, where he sits with the squad leaders and Erwin. He sips at his tea, and Armin wishes he’s a little jealous of the way his head is so close to Eren’s chest.

He tries to convey his meaning to Levi through his gaze.

_I don’t want this, trust me. I’m not into Eren. I just want to get out of here. My best friends keep arguing, I’ve had a long day, and I really need to get away from this. Wanna sleep._

Levi tilts his head a little to the side, and blinks at Armin. It’s as if he’s saying, _rough day, huh. Can’t imagine a quiet and lovely boy like you stuck between those two buffoons all day long. They’re your best friends, but I’m sure you’ll much rather enjoy my company. Won’t you, Armin?_

That’s his wishful thinking speaking. There’s also no way that Levi could read all of that from a look from Armin, and rescue him from this situation. 

The shorter man drains his teacup, sets it down, and strides towards their table. 

“Cadet Arlert, I need you to look over some documents for me. Are you free to come with me right now?” 

_Levi really got my message. He’s actually helping me out of my situation right now, just by a 5 seconds gaze. The way he’s so perceptive of things never fails to amaze me._

“Yes Sir, of course, Sir! I’ll come right now!”

“Captain, Armin hasn’t even finished his food! Couldn’t your stupid documents wait until then?” Eren protests. The entire mess hall falls silent as Eren challenges him. Even Jean’s staring at Eren in shock, for the way he talked back to their Captain. Somebody drops a fork, and it hits the floor with a loud ringing noise.

Levi stares down at Eren menacingly.

“ _No_ . They _can’t_ . My documents have to be done, _now._ ”

It’s scary. Armin’s surprised that Eren’s not quaking in his seat, since all the new recruits from the 105th batch look absolutely terrified and they’re shrinking away at their benches. Eren, though, is fearless, and the most rebellious person he’s ever met. You tell him he can’t do something, he’ll go out of his way to do it. He stares back defiantly at Levi, who Armin knows has no problem crushing Eren like a bug.

“Then why even ask him if he’s free or not?” He snarls.

Armin pulls Eren back.

“It’s okay, I’ll go with Levi. You stay here and eat with Jean, alright?” He says hurriedly, before he leaves with the Captain, Eren still glaring daggers at everyone in their vicinity. 

When they’re in Levi’s office, Levi closes the door behind them. Armin breathes a sigh of relief, and is about to thank Levi for getting him out of the ruckus when the Captain points at a pile of papers arranged neatly on his table.

“The documents are there, Armin, please do help me look through, and fill in the inventory numbers for our resources for carts, food, etc. I’ll have to send them to Zackly tomorrow, so make it quick.” 

Oh.

“Yes Sir. I’ll get right to it, Sir.” He knows Levi doesn’t like him calling him Sir, but he’s feeling the tiniest bit irritated that Levi wasn’t actually rescuing him gallantly. If he wanted to make Armin do his work, like this, then he’ll snark at Levi all he wants for pulling rank.

Levi sits down at the guest chair of the table, and crosses his legs, looking at Armin.

“Do you have to look at me while I work, Sir?” 

Levi makes no comment, and adjusts his cravat, while he continues staring at Armin. 

The blonde boy gets to work, and picks up a pencil while looking at the first page, trying to recall the numbers for the amount of horses off the top of his head. He belatedly realises that all the boxes are already filled in and flips to the next page to check - everything’s already tidied up.

“Sir, there must be a mistake, I think this is the wrong set of documents, all the information is compiled and ready to be disseminated - ”

Levi just looks at him, and Armin gets it. 

“Oh. Oh, I see. Oh. Be this way, Levi, mess with me. This is the second time you’ve pranked me successfully this week, and you’re literally the one of the most humourless people I’ve ever met in my life.”

“Thank you, for the compliments. Is this the kind of way you talk to someone who rescued you out of a situation that would have left you with a migraine? Ungrateful brat,” he says in a faux- annoyed tone, as his eyes crinkle at the sides, showing that he’s laughing in the depths of his heart. Apparently. “Plus, you said I wasn’t funny. It was sad.”

“You still aren’t, Levi. Humour isn’t your thing. Killing titans is.” 

Armin sets the paper down, and arranges it back neatly the way he knows how Levi likes it.

“Thank you. I’m sorry Eren snarled at you like that. You were just helping me.”

Armin means it. He’s genuinely very sorry that helping him has caused Levi to get unkind words from Eren in public. He’s also aware that if it wasn’t for Armin, Levi might have genuinely gotten angry. He’s not the kind to take shit from anyone, especially not low level cadets. He’s reasonable, yes, but ultimately he’s still the Captain, and that demands a certain level of respect and obedience from his soldiers. 

“I’m not too fussed. I don’t really care what people think. How are you feeling?” 

“Me? I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” 

“You seemed really pressured at the table just now. I know they’re your best friends, so I don’t want to assume too much about what’s going on. I just hope you’re feeling alright.”

“I am. They just bicker a lot, and my off day is meant for me to relax, not to have to listen to them quarrel the entire day.” 

Levi nods in understanding. What understanding could he actually have? Hange doesn’t argue with Erwin. 

“Anyway, I should be heading back to my bunk now. I don’t want to disturb you for too long, Levi.”

“You’re not disturbing. You can even sleep here, tonight, if you so wish. If you’re, say, a little too tired to go back and face the other cadets. I don’t mind. You know I don’t ever use the bed,” he says as he gestures at the clean sheets. 

Armin’s not going to lie, he’s tempted. Levi’s room is _comfortable_. It’s spotless, and there’s no smell of sweaty cadets and everyone’s loud noises crammed in a room together. The roaring fireplace is warmer than his own cold bunk, with the thin mattress that barely is a mattress, while Levi’s own bed is padded with real goose feathers. He did rise up the ranks pretty fast, to enjoy the multiple privileges of being second to only Erwin at the mere age of twenty-four.

“I shouldn’t…” He’s not convincing himself. The lull of comfort and _Levi_ is pulling him in. He wants to have a good night’s rest, here. He wants to have someone who will be awake to talk to, if the nightmares come to find him again. He knows he shouldn’t, though. It makes him feel like he’s taking advantage of Levi’s kindness, as a friend, and his feelings for the older man are complicated enough as it is. 

He shakes his head a little, to get the temptation out of his mind.

“I shouldn’t impose, Levi. I’ll be heading back now. Thank you for the time.”

He nods. 

“If you insist.”

Armin gets up, dusts his knees off, bids Levi good night, and walks out the door, as he feels Levi’s eyes on his back. It makes him think about the first night this all began, when he told Levi about the ocean. He had also left the room quietly, and not turned back to look.

This time, though, he feels regret, as if his brain is telling him over and over to stay.

***

It’s a few days later, when Armin has the same recurring nightmare about Marco. He’s thrashing around in his sleep, unable to wake up and return to reality as much as he wants to, when he feels a hand on his shoulder and he finally, finally, comes to. 

Levi’s standing above him in the dark, next to his bunk, and everyone else’s fast asleep around them.

He’s sweating so badly from the nightmare, and immediately becomes very self aware of how grimy he is. He’s surprised that Levi’s even touching his shoulder, with his obsession with cleanliness. 

“Thanks for waking me up… Why are you here?” Armin whispers.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you, Armin. I couldn’t sleep and I - I wanted to talk, I guess. If you want to go back to sleep, don’t let me stop you.” 

It’s the first time he sees Levi like this, slightly guilty, like a small child needing someone to just be there for them. With his small stature, he could almost forget how ferocious and domineering Levi usually was. He wants to go back to sleep, since training that day was especially tiring, but he gets out of bed with a slight groan. He can’t leave Levi alone like this, hurting, and scared. 

He pulls his cloak on, and lets Levi pull him by his sleeve to lead him to their usual haunt on the rooftop. 

“I guess you’ve had a nightare too, Armin. You were murmuring someone’s name. Marco. Who’s - Who’s Marco?” Levi asks hesitantly, as if he doesn’t want to know.

“He’s from the 104th squad.”

Armin doesn’t know how to talk about Marco. Nobody knows how he actually knew Marco intimately, not even Jean, and he feels guilt well up inside of him that he can’t even tell others about Marco, or whatever it was that they vaguely had. It’s not that he’s ashamed or anything, though he actually is. He’s ashamed that he never put a name to Marco, never returned his feelings. 

Tonight, he will talk about Marco. Marco was the sweetest boy, and he doesn’t deserve to be kept hidden like some kind of strange secret. 

“I don’t know if you’ve seen him around. Short black hair with a centre parting. Tall. Freckles dotting his cheeks. Very kind, very soft, Jean’s best friend.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t really recall.” 

Levi doesn’t know who Marco is. It hurts that people don’t remember that such an amazing person once existed. He doesn’t want him to fade out of everyone’s memory so quickly. Not his own. He’s the only one that knows Marco’s soft kisses feel like. 

“Are you in love with him?” 

“I... wasn’t. He was attractive, but I didn’t like him that way. I just didn’t think I was ready for a boyfriend at all, especially when I really didn’t have feelings for him. He did, though. He loved me, and treated me with respect and kindness, far more than anyone else had shown me. It’s just his nature. To be one of the loveliest people to have existed, full of sunshine and warmth and optimism.” 

Armin feels his eyes well up with tears.

“Early this spring, he kissed me, under the trees where we usually sit, reading books together quietly. In the shade. He asked me to be his boyfriend. I hugged him gently, and I said no. I said no, and I turned him down, and he was unbelievably understanding about it. Didn’t blame me in the slightest. He - he died a few days later. I didn’t even get to see it... I heard that h-h-half of his body was festering and rotten, by the t-t-time they found him. He was the best of all of us. H-h-he didn’t deserve that.”

Armin’s wiping tears off with the back of his hand, now, while Levi’s listening quietly, without interrupting, letting Armin ramble and ramble and ramble out until he’s spent. He’s shaking, and his heart hurts more than it ever has.

“I hate that I wasn’t in love. I hate that he wasted his time, chasing me, when he could have been with someone else. At least he would have had a lover during his time on Earth. Someone who could truthfully say they loved him just as much as he loved them. Someone who would actually miss his kisses, miss his hugs, miss the pure and wholehearted love that he would have given. He’s just that good. I don’t know why I just wasn’t in love with someone that perfect. I miss him, like a friend. I picked the flowers by the field we always sat at, and laid them on his grave. I think he would like that. I hope he’s happy, wherever he is. I’m not.”

Levi takes his hand, the same way he took Levi’s hand when Levi talked about Isabel and Farlan. 

"Marco wouldn't want you to blame yourself. Deep down, I'm sure you know that, too. Sometimes love doesn't work out, and it has nothing to do with you." 

“You don't even know the worst part of it, which is that is that I felt slightly _relieved_. Did you know? I watched Hannah cry over Franz, desperately trying to keep him alive, pumping endlessly on his chest even though he was dead… I was relieved that I wasn’t in love, so that when Marco met his grisly end, I wouldn’t be hurt that painfully. I wanted to avoid that, for the rest of my life. Having friends in my life is already excruciating enough, in its own way. I might lose them, at any moment. Not to mention a boyfriend, or even a husband. That’s just too much.” 

He can’t stop sobbing. He feels so guilty, over this. Tears drip all over his face, spilling steadily into his lap, and he’s embarrassed, but he doesn’t stop talking to Levi. 

“Now I think I might actually be falling in love, and I don’t know what I can do to stop myself,” he says quietly, with only Levi and the stars in the sky there to hear it. “I don’t know. I think I’m in love, but how do I know for sure? How do I know that it won’t end up like Marco? What should I even do? What if - What if I lose my partner, my everything? What happens after that?”

Levi’s leaning in closer, and he presses his thumb to Armin’s cheek to wipe his tears away. His gaze is full of sorrow, but also a promise of better beginnings, and a whole new future. 

“Then maybe you should bet on Humanity’s Strongest Soldier,” he whispers, and moves towards Armin until his lips are less than a centimetre away. 

Armin knows Levi is implicitly asking for permission, a little unsure, waiting for Armin to give any kind of confirmation that it’s okay. 

“Maybe I’m already halfway there,” Armin breathes, and closes the gap in between. 

Levi’s lips are soft and pliant against his own. It was nothing like his first ever kiss with Marco. Not that there was anything wrong with Marco, but there wasn’t the unstoppable heart palpitations, the feeling of no longer being able to think straight, the desperate movements of his own hand to pull the other man closer. He feels as if he’s taken over by some kind of desire, to sit here forever, kissing Levi Ackerman. Nothing else means anything, anymore. The world is too far away. 

Levi scoops him up as if he’s no heavier than a doll, and sets him on his lap, so that he’s straddling Levi. It makes Armin shy to admit this to himself, but the contact with Levi between his legs makes him think of things he shouldn’t be thinking about.

They continue kissing fervently, and Armin thinks he might start to understand why everyone seems to want love, even in a world like this.

Levi’s hands are on his waist, tugging him in closer, as his mouth grows insistent and his grip grows frantic. The world’s starting to spin around Armin, the romance so dizzying like the first time he uses the 3DMG gear - and it’s only Levi’s steady hands holding him right there that keeps him from tumbling right off the roof. 

He’s been through starvation, but this hunger for Levi’s taste is something entirely new. He actually whimpers when Levi pulls away, eyes half lidded, running a hand through his smooth dark hair. 

The Captain leans in and buries his face in Armin’s neck, one hand still gripping him firmly, keeping him there. 

All of a sudden, Armin feels him shaking, and his own cloak gets damp with the tears that aren’t his own. He stares into thin air, wide-eyed and confused. 

“Levi… What’s wrong? Talk to me.” He strokes Levi’s hair, the man now clinging to him with both arms. 

“My nightmare was about losing you. Watching you bleed out. It killed me inside. I had to go to your bunk to see if you were okay, ascertain for myself that you’re still alive and breathing. I couldn’t wait until the next day. It wasn’t meant to be anything creepy. I really did want to talk to you, if only just to hear your voice. To know that you’re still here, with me. Even if it’s just as a friend.”

Levi extricates himself gently from Armin, and pulls away slightly to look at Armin. 

It’s that moment, under a sky full of constellations, that Armin truly appreciates how beautiful Levi is, his face streaked with tears. He seems to be glowing under the light of the full moon, short black hair flowing gently in the breeze, thin lips pursed into a slight frown. His eyes are full of fear, all the disdain stripped from his facade, and it makes Armin’s heart break into smithereens. 

“I _love_ you, Armin,” he says, one hand reaching out to cup Armin’s face. “I love you, more than I ever thought I could love someone.” 

“I - “

Armin can’t seem to say it, and he hates himself for it, _again_. It’s not that he doesn’t love Levi. He’s, maybe 70% sure that he does. It’s just that the L word is a big commitment. He doesn’t want to hurt Levi, especially knowing now that Levi’s dreams are about losing him. He doesn’t want to do to Levi what Marco did to him. That, and he’s a logical person. As much as he understands that emotions don’t necessarily make sense, he can’t just throw all common thought out of the window and operate solely on his feelings. That’s just not him. He wants to think about this, mull over it before he says those three words back.

Levi seemingly reads his mind, and presses a kiss to Armin’s jaw, then to the edge of his lips.

“It’s okay if you can’t say it now. I know you’re not sure, that’s okay. Just make sure you tell me when you’re not comfortable, and I’ll back off.” 

“I’m sorry, Levi. I think I do, honestly, I just want time to think about it, before I make any decision. Can we - Can we be a little more than friends, a little less than lovers? For now?”

“Seriously, you don’t have to explain. I know who you are, and I hope that you can trust me that I know you well enough to understand your train of thought and where you’re coming from.” He follows up his statement with another brush of Armin’s cheek. “Even if I die tomorrow, know that you don’t owe me anything. I'm sure Marco thinks the same way, too. I love you, and that is my choice alone.” 

Armin doesn’t know what to say, and he feels his tears threatening to spill over again, so he gives in to his temptations, just for that night. He doesn’t want to think, just wants to lose himself in Levi, indulge himself in the intricacies of intimacy with another person. 

“Kiss me,” he commands, and Levi obliges, interlacing their fingers together. 

They break apart, and Levi doesn’t let go of his hand as they walk down the staircase and sneak back to Levi’s room. They stumble their way back, occasionally stopping for thrilling kisses in semi-darkness, exploring each other for the first time. 

Levi opens the door with one hand, leads Armin in, and lets the door swing close by itself. Armin’s back is against the door, as the Captain joins their lips again, walking them backwards onto the bed. They collapse down into the bed, Levi on all fours above Armin, and Armin feels apprehension crawling up his own throat. 

He wants this, though. He’s nervous, but he wants this. With Levi, and only Levi.

The grey-eyed man stops. 

“Do you want to keep going?” He asks, a hand in Armin’s hair. “Just say the word if you want to stop. Let me know if you’re okay.”

Armin’s too shy to tell Levi what he wants, so he gulps and simply nods, before looking away as he grabs Levi’s hand, leading him along, from his collarbone, to the valley of his chest, down his torso. Levi simply relaxes, and lets Armin guide his way, touching _only_ where Armin allows him to touch, feasting on Armin’s body with his eyes. Respecting Armin, worshipping Armin. As if he’s a god. 

Levi’s hand stops at Armin’s belt, and Armin sees him visibly shiver. 

The Corporal presses down on Armin, their chests so close they can feel each other’s heartbeats - and he nips at Armin’s neck, careful to not leave any marks where it’s not covered by his shirt. 

“Still with me?” He mutters.

“Y-y-yeah. I’m more than okay,” Armin whispers back.

When Levi sits up, Armin grasps onto Levi’s shirt, slowly undoing all the buttons, revealing pale and muscled skin with every button his fingers touch. Levi lets him, watchful gaze staring at the slightly clumsy way Armin’s doing it, with no interruption at all. He finishes with all the buttons, before he slides the shirt off from Levi’s shoulders and flinging it to the ground casually. 

He then guides Levi’s hands to his own body, back arching upwards gracefully to that cold touch he’s always craving. Levi’s back to being pressed completely against him, their bodies tangled in a tandem - when the older man suddenly pauses. 

“What’s wrong?” Armin says. 

He starts panicking. He’s not sure what he’s done wrong, but he’s left feeling like he really fucked something up when Levi’s tense against his body, head buried in his chest. Was it his poor kissing skills? Is it the cloak getting in the way? Is Levi regretting this, when seeing Armin in his bed? His mind starts to overload with all the terrible scenarios, and his insecurities flood his mind in one fell swoop,

“Armin, I’m sorry. Give me a second, okay?”

He pulls away, and stands up, before bending down to pick the shirt up.

“I just can’t stand the thought of my shirt being on the floor. I tried to stop thinking about it, but I can’t help it. It’s not you, it’s me. Just let me fold this up properly before we get back to… whatever we’re doing. If I leave it there, it’ll have _creases_ and _dust_ by the time morning rolls around. I can’t take it. _Shit_ ,” Levi says as he folds the cloth perfectly, into a rectangle, before laying it on the desk and adjusting the collar. 

Armin laughs as Levi returns to the bed, his previous worries seeping out of him.

“I thought you were angry at me,” he murmurs into Levi’s chest. “Or that you don’t like what you see.”

“I could never not like this, Armin. You’re so _handsome_.”

Armin clucks thoughtfully as Levi’s pulling their hips against each other, and groaning slightly at the contact. It feels _amazing,_ but Armin has things to think about, so the pleasure is shelved to a side for the moment. 

“You’re thinking about something. As usual. Want to talk about it?” Levi asks, as their hands are busy with each other’s bodies, trying to get as much contact as possible. 

“You called me handsome.”

Levi stops all his administrations with Armin’s body. 

“What’s your point? What’s wrong with that?”

“People usually call me pretty. Or beautiful. Or they’ll say, you’re good looking, like a girl. Or you’re cute, for a boy. Nobody has ever called me handsome.” He kisses Levi. “I like it,” he says against Levi’s lips.

“You _are_ handsome. Beautiful, maybe, but definitely handsome. So handsome that I’ll let you fuck me into the sheets any day. Walls, we can do that right now if you want to. You’re in control.” 

Armin hums to himself happily. This is nice. This is much nicer than anything he’s ever experienced in his life. He feels valued, feels admired, like a man, and it does wonders for his self esteem. That, and he thinks Levi probably wants to be strung along sometimes, too, without having to think or to lead the way. He already does that enough as a Captain, and he probably wants days to just get dominated by someone else, letting all his stress disappear with another man steering the wheels. To revel in the feeling of relinquishing control.

He’s not in the mood for that today, though, he thinks. 

“I’d like to try that sometime, but maybe not now. You can take the lead for today, Levi.” Armin kisses Levi’s fingers gently, and the older man nods in agreement. 

“Turns out that I’m in the mood for ravishing a good-looking little brat today, too.” 

“Then do it, Levi,” Armin challenges.

He has a glint in his eye as he tugs on Armin’s thighs, pulling their hips flush against each other, before his hands undo Armin’s shirt with finesse, completely unlike the clumsy, explorational way Armin did earlier on. He leaves kisses on every new patch of skin he uncovers, while the blonde fists his fingers in the raven hair, pushing his head closer. When he’s done with the shirt, he makes quick work of folding it neatly before putting it to a side and continuing with his eager touches.

“L-L-Levi,” Armin says weakly. 

“Flip over for me, handsome,” Levi answers in a sultry voice. 

Armin scrambles to do as he’s told, leaning on his front into the bed, arching upwards, letting Levi kneel behind him and tug him closer. They’re both starting to sweat a little on the warm summer’s night, and Levi’s panting as he bites gently down on Armin’s nap, earning himself a small whimper. His hands caress Armin’s chest, before steadily heading down lower, grunting a little as their hips move to the same rhythm needily. 

Levi’s hand shift to Armin’s hips, before moving to the curve of his behind, and grasping it gently. Armin finds himself biting down hard on his lower lip to stop himself from making any kind of noise, as his hands grab onto the silk sheets and cling tightly to them. 

He hears the sound of the Captain’s belt being undone behind him, with a slight clanging of the metal buckle, while Levi’s other hand goes to grasp at Armin’s throat, squeezing the sides slightly. Armin’s hands instinctively goes up to his neck, pressing the - no, _his_ Captain’s hand harder on his throat, inviting Levi to be rougher. He’s a soldier, he can take it. 

“You’re so good for me, Armin,” Levi praises, followed by soft groaning against Armin’s ear. “So, so -”

The door handle opens, and they both freeze, as Erwin steps in.

“Sorry to bother you, Levi, but there’s some urgent changes to the allocations that I need to go through with you before you submit the files to - ”

The papers in Erwin’s hands flutter their way to the floor, as he looks at Armin grasping the sheets tightly, shirtless under an equally naked (if not more) Levi in a humiliating position. Levi’s hand is still on Armin’s throat, the other on his own unbuckled pants. 

A second goes by, as the three of them figure out how to process what just happened.

“Can - Can I join?” Erwin asks sheepishly, a hand rubbing the back of his head. 

Armin's blushing furiously, and he buries his face in the pillow. He doesn't think he's had anything this mortifying ever happen to him in his entire life. Levi takes the blade he keeps hidden by the side of his bed, and throws it next to Erwin’s head with impeccable aim. It lands and embeds itself in the wood, 2 inches away from Erwin’s golden hair, who raises his hands in a placating gesture. 

“I get it, Levi, no need for aggression. I’ll just pop in, take the documents, pretend I didn't see any of this, and go. Enjoy your night, gentlemen,” Erwin articulates, walks in quickly to take the pile of papers on Levi’s table and turns around to leave. 

When he’s at the door, he turns around, and looks at them.

“Armin, if you’re ever looking to have some good ol’ fun with a superior - ”

“Get the fuck out before I throw another blade at your head!” Levi yells, and Erwin turns red before quickly finding his way out and locking the door for them for good measure. 

Levi groans loudly, and slumps down across Armin’s body.

“Mood ruined,” he huffs into Armin’s neck, who pats his head and tells him they can still do it tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Then maybe you should bet on Humanity's Strongest Soldier." That was my favourite line! (Sorry if that sounds like self praise. It was the moment where I felt like I wanted Levi to confess his feelings, and he probably does feel a little guilty bringing this up when Armin's talking about Marco, but I really like how Levi's kissing Armin when he's crying, when he's at his most vulnerable point, as his own way of comfort. It was also really important to me to highlight that Levi's very respectful of what Armin wants, and he's not going to push it or 趁火打劫 (I can't English this help meh) when Armin's in such an emotional state - he needs the C o N s E N T before he does anything. And also, good to note that Armin's also completely sober and he's sad, but he's not like, beyond comprehension. He's a logical person, after all, he can think straight even when he's heartbroken, and I'm sure Levi knows that.
> 
> Poor Levi and Armin. They always get walked in on. Even in the previous installments, it happens to them. Now, is it because of the comedic effect I’m looking to achieve, or is it because I’m actually too shy and awkward and inexperienced to write smut? You'll never know! 
> 
> It's a big step for Armin, telling someone about the guilt that has been weighing so heavily on him. 
> 
> The "smut" scene is a little like... hmm. I know it's punctuated with a lot of awkward moments and dialogue and pauses to talk about something, but to me that's just a more realistic portrayal of doing sexually intimate stuff for the first time! At least, I imagine that it'll be awkward, and not like as smooth and complete as whatever you see in... whatever. Makes it less tense too, if they're comfortable to talk about all sorts of stuff without worrying that it'll ruin the mood, while doing it. That's just my take! 
> 
> Updates might be kind of inconsistent, since life is doing me a dirty right now, but hopefully I'll be able to keep posting and see you guys soon! As always, drink more water, take care of yourselves! Leave a comment if you like my writing <3


	4. Tell me if I Cross a Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Armin talk about boundaries.

Over the next few months, their relationship status lingers in the back of Armin’s mind, giving him another thing on his plate to worry about. Levi’s been extremely patient, never pushy, but it doesn’t exactly sit well with Armin to not have a resolution.

He’s not even sure what Levi sees in him, when there’s the likes of Commander Erwin around. 

The Captain drops in sometimes, to oversee the training of the 104th squad, more frequently than he used to. This makes for a lot of rumor spreading amongst the cadets, some of them thinking (rather logically) that it’s because Eren’s a precious asset to humanity now, and has to be protected. Other myths are a little more far fetched, ranging from him suspecting one of the cadets of crime against the capital, or Petra telling him he should be more gentle with the recruits. 

Armin knows the real reason.

It lies in the small finger brushes he has with the Captain, who’s yelling at him for not wearing his gear properly, and guides him with the lightest of touches that make Armin’s body feel alive with electricity. It’s telling in the way Levi slams him into the ground as a sparring partner and throws him around harshly, secretly hoping to help Armin train up better. It’s obvious in the way Levi steals his gear after a training camp, and polishes it clean for him, before leaving it where it was. He’s being so _blatant_ that Armin is surprised that nobody has figured anything out yet.

In the middle of the night, when everyone’s asleep, Armin always wraps his oversized olive cloak tightly around himself, and goes to see his - friend. He wants to say lover, but no, he thinks he needs a little while more. Perhaps confidante would be a more appropriate word. 

They cuddle, and sometimes, they kiss passionately, after Levi asks carefully if it’s okay to be intimate like that. No matter what they do, he asks, every step of the way. No matter how many times they’ve done it. They do gentle things, too, like holding hands as they talk. They sip from the same cup of tea. Levi hangs his cloak up neatly behind the door. They brush their fingers against each other’s arms, tentative and eager, all at the same time. 

Everything a couple would do, just without a proper name to it.

Armin waits. It’s as if a guillotine’s going to drop, and one day, Levi’s going to be sick and tired of waiting for him to think it through. He wakes up between 3-5am almost every day, and waits for Levi to say that he’s tired of this, he doesn’t want Armin anymore, Armin’s taking way too long to give him any kind of conviction that this will work out, and he wants out. He’s the Captain, he can have anyone he wants, and he doesn’t need half baked shit. 

He waits, but it never comes. The Captain never loses his temper, never threatens to leave Armin, doesn’t even do anything to indicate that their current arrangement is anything out of the ordinary. 

(He does ask, once, about what Levi thinks of Armin not saying he loves him back just yet. Casually, as if it’s not bothering him as much as it actually does. Levi just raises an eyebrow, as if sensing how much this issue is nagging at Armin, before replying, “I’m pretty sure we’re reading the same book. I’m just a couple of chapters ahead of you.” He ruffles Armin’s hair, and tells him not to worry about it.)

Every morning, Levi continues to wake up a little before Armin does, throws the blanket over him, and then lies back down, closing his eyes to try and get a little more rest. Armin pretends Levi’s asleep, makes him tea, then “wakes” him up again. He thinks to himself that maybe Levi really enjoys the tea, enough to pretend to be asleep. Or maybe, it’s just that Armin always scolds him for not sleeping enough, and he’s trying his best to get more hours in. 

They then share a chaste kiss when they both wake up for real, as light as a dragonfly skimming over the surface of tranquil water, a silent goodbye and a promise to see each other again soon. They both enjoy the routine, after all. Armin obscures his face with his hood, before tiptoeing quietly in his socks out of the room, careful to not make any noise on the creaky wooden floor boards, holding his shoes in one hand. 

This morning is no different, and he relishes in the reverie of the taste of Levi’s lips, during Shadis’ class. Chamomile tea happens to be his choice for today. Armin’s getting good at predicting what tea Levi wants the next day. He has a 70% accuracy rate as of this month.

He stares at the whiteboard, wishing Levi was the one giving the lecture instead. Nobody notices his lack of concentration. Unlike his friends, he’s adept in the art of pretending to listen during class while his mind wanders off to bigger and brighter ideas. He loves studying and learning, but all the things Shadis is teaching can easily be derived or inferred with common sense, it’s not any information that’s particularly mind-blowing. Perhaps, it’s partly due to his own studious looking features that he’s the superiors’ favourites when it comes to classes or written examinations. He only ever gets punished for poor physical performance.

Of course, he’s the favourite of a certain superior for absolutely no reason. He still doesn’t understand. 

Yelling from Shadis at someone sitting right next to him catches his attention and brings him out of his daydreaming. He’s alert instantly, looking at a red faced Eren, who is clinching surreptitiously onto a piece of parchment. By the way Shadis is walking angrily towards Eren, he can deduce that Eren wasn’t paying attention, and got caught because he really does strange things at strange times. Since they were young, Eren Jaeger’s probably the one person that Armin cannot completely predict. It’s easy to know how someone usually will react in a situation, or what they’ll do, but Eren’s a complete mystery, since he probably doesn’t know what he’s going to do until the second he does it, anyway. 

He’s an incalculable variable in Armin’s life, and maybe that’s why he’s Armin’s best friend. So intriguing, like anomalies in a data set that never answer to the probabilities of extrapolation. 

It’s clear by the way Jean’s leaning in on his other side that he’s very intrigued, too. Not in the way Armin is, as if Eren’s just an interesting data set. Jean’s obviously inquisitive in the way that Armin’s always curious about the Captain. 

“Help me get that parchment, ‘Min. I wanna see who Eren’s writing about. Or what lame things he’s thinking about,” Jean says in his ear as he tugs on Armin’s arm. 

Said piece of parchment is simply what Eren apparently was scribbling on earlier as he completely zoned out of class. Honestly, Armin thinks that Eren shouldn’t be leaving physical evidence, and Jean should actually try to get on Eren’s good side instead of picking a fight every other day. The worst part is, he’s caught right in the middle. He makes a mental note to sit next to the window next time, beside Mikasa, who is literally the least distracting person in the 104th cadets. 

Sighing heavily, Armin pats Eren on the back sympathetically, though he feels like this is really Eren’s own fault. It’s pretty much common sense to not do what Eren did in class, but then again, common sense isn’t that common. 

He watches a three sided fisticuff happen between Eren, Jean, and Shadis, before Eren eats the piece of paper to destroy the incriminating evidence. There he goes, again, throwing common sense completely out of the window. It’s hard not to laugh, when he sees the three red-faced men arguing about something so stupid, and he stifles his giggles behind a polite hand. Maybe sitting in between his two best friends isn’t so bad, after all. It does come with its own moments of hilarity.

They walk out of the lecture, Jean right next to him, and he continues talking to Jean about his half finished talk on the ocean, from about a week ago. 

Jean’s really easy to be around when Eren’s not anywhere nearby, and Armin enjoys conversing with him. That, and a part of him feels like it’s his duty to treat Jean well. That’s what _Marco_ would have wanted. If he couldn’t give Marco what he wanted in life, he wants to at least try to take care of his surviving best friend. At least, they have something in common. They both miss Marco like air. Thus, he makes time for Jean. Jean doesn’t really have anyone else, anyway, and his abrasive attitude around the 104th cadets isn’t going to get him friends easily.

The next few minutes pass by in a flash. He’s only vaguely registering what’s going on around him, as Eren squeezes through them, breaking him and Jean apart, sending Jean right into the wall, who yells angrily as he rubs his elbow. They’re exchanging a few harsh words, before Eren’s shoving at Jean and running off somewhere else. It happens so quickly he barely has time to think, before his feet carry him off in Eren’s direction, Mikasa following closely behind. 

_I’m sorry, Jean. Eren needs me, right now._

Eren doesn’t usually act like that. He’s a little strange and surprising at times, but he looked genuinely sad in that one second he was leaning towards Jean with his fists in Jean’s jacket - and that sends red smokes of warning up in Armin’s head. Eren’s not usually that deflated or depressed. 

Armin worries that it’s because he’s been spending a lot less time with him. A lot of nights, he’s making up excuses to lie in Levi’s arms, pretending that he has meetings to attend, and finding his way quietly to see his Captain. Between his small dates, actual strategy meetings, and spending time taking care of Jean, he realises with a pang of guilt that he’s been neglecting his best friend, so he puts on a small burst of speed running after the boy with the chocolate hair, who has _always_ been there for him, no matter what.

One glance at Mikasa tells him that they’re both thinking the same thing. Mikasa doesn’t sleep in the same dormitory as them due to the gender division, and she spends more time with Sasha, Historia, Annie, and Ymir these days. It’s like they’re both growing out of their little trio gang to open up to the 104th squad and the rest of the soldiers that have their back - but somehow, Eren’s still stuck in the trio, maybe even a little isolated, given his newfound powers that intimidate those not too near and dear to him. 

He’s clinging onto Armin and Mikasa, anything that can possibly remind him of the life he had before the Titans broke through the walls. He’s always been protective of what he views as his, beating up anyone who dared to touch Mikasa or Armin even if they were much bigger than him. At that time, Armin was infinitely grateful for the refuge he could seek in Eren, but he no longer needs it now. Not because Humanity’s Strongest Soldier is in front of him, shielding him from everything the harsh reality has to offer, but because he, Armin Arlert, is more independent. They’re no longer the same kids they were. A lot changed in the past 8 years, and he wants Eren to step out of the shadows of the past. 

They’re both sensing equal amounts of guilt in each other, blue eyes gazing into dark grey ones. Wordlessly, they agree on what to say to Eren. 

Eren’s hiding behind a shrubby bush covered in thick leaves, sitting by himself in a curled up and defensive position, staring at his own toes as he wiggles them around. His mouth is covered by his knees, but his bright green eyes look like he’s frightened to the point that on the verge of tears. It makes Armin sad, and guilt eats at him again. These days, he’s very familiar with the feeling of remorse. 

It’s not the time to berate himself, though, not when his best friend is looking like the 10 year old version of him on that fateful day in the year 845. Whatever struggles he has with himself, it can wait. Eren first.

Mikasa glances at him, and he knows that she’s waiting for him to talk. He’s the one with the golden tongue, after all, words more powerful than any other skills he has, convincing anyone of anything. 

He takes a few seconds to run through what he wants to voice out in his head, while Mikasa’s wrapping her scarf tightly around Eren’s neck and tying a knot firmly when Eren loses the little scuffle. He doesn’t look like he’s in the mood to struggle properly, anyway, and all his resistant yelps seem much more halfhearted to Armin. 

Armin decides to start out with a gentle hand on Eren’s back, stroking down his shirt in small movements. 

“Eren, you don’t have to be so protective of Mikasa and I, you know?” He begins, softly. 

Eren looks surprised instead of indignant, and Armin reels back for a second. Again, he’s proving himself much more unpredictable than the average person. Armin doesn’t think he’s read the situation wrongly, though, so he plows on with his speech. Maybe Eren’s just been so aggressive and protective in a relatively subconscious manner. 

“Mikasa and I appreciate your protectiveness, we really do. You’ve given us shelter since we were 10, and you’ve always protected us no matter how much it hurts you, and we know that. We aren’t going to leave you, because we always know that you care so much for us as a friend. You’re loyal to a fault, you’re kind even if you’re a little prickly on the outside, and you treat us so well.” 

It’s true that he’s saying all these in a ‘calm before the storm’ manner, to soften the blow of telling Eren that he needs to be less possessive over his friends, but his words also have a ring of truth to it. He will never stop being grateful to Eren, for taking such good care of him when he was younger, and being the only one willing to talk to him before Mikasa came along. They used to stay over at each other’s houses, hiding under the blanket and talking about endless amounts of things together, and Armin will never forget that. 

“… Despite that, you have to know our world isn’t just our little group of three, anymore. We both want you to expand your horizons a little, now that Mikasa and I are a little older and we can take care of ourselves. Jean’s my friend, and L- what I’m trying to say is, we love you, but we also rely on and care for our other fellow soldiers. Jean’s a sweet person, and he’s a really good friend to me – which is why I hope you’ll give him a chance, and get to know him better. He’s not someone that I need to be protected from, and I think you know you can trust my judgment, yeah? Right, Mikasa?”

He needs to watch his words. He nearly spilled out about _Levi_. Until he figures out his own internal turmoil about his relationship status, he doesn’t want anyone to know. Even Erwin seems to think it was just a one time fling, and has been asking Armin to his office to do work too, all of which he kindly rejects. 

“I don’t know so much about Levi – “

Ackermans and their perceptiveness, honestly. It scares Armin a little, how they read the situation so quickly. 

“Though I can agree Jean isn’t so bad. He’s a little daft and an asshole on the outside, but he’s a good person. Especially after what happened with Marco.”

Marco, again. It hurts, and he’s forgotten why he was starting to forgive himself about it.

As with the remorse to everyone else he’s let down in his pathetically short life, he shelves it to the back of his head, to be perused in detail later on, when he can be alone with his thoughts. Sometimes, he leaves these self hatred thoughts to when he’s in Levi’s arms at night, so that it won’t be that unbearable as when he’s alone. That’s where he feels loved.

Eren’s still tired and mildly sulky, but he rubs at his eyes, and he’s a lot less tense under Armin’s fingers. Mikasa observes this, too, and the both of them tackle Eren to the grass beneath them, without even needing to communicate. This is the way they’ve always operated, the three of them. Gazes that hold a million words.

Levi or no, Marco or no, Jean or no, Armin knows he’ll always have this connection with the two of them, and it’s irreplaceable to him. He would give his _life_ for the both of them. 

Armin pulls Eren in close, arms clinging tightly around his neck. He gives a small groan at being crushed under both of them, but he’s also finally beginning to smile again, at the corner of his lips. Feelings of relief course through Armin’s veins, and he finds himself laughing happily, as he hugs onto Eren’s arm, and rests his own head on Eren’s shoulders. Mikasa’s on Eren’s other side, using his other shoulder as a headrest, while the three of them talk about dumb things, and point at clouds in the sky. 

From the corner of his eye, he catches Levi staring him at him, from a window, and he smiles at him without even needing to think. Levi tilts his head almost imperceptibly, and smiles back.

***

Eren was so tired from the moodiness in the afternoon that he falls asleep immediately after dinner. 

Taking this as a chance to see Levi, Armin begins his usual trek towards the first floor rooms, then climbs in through Levi’s windowsill. He usually goes in by the main door, but he’s here suspiciously early tonight, and he doesn’t want to be seen. 

He pulls Levi into his arms.

“Hi,” he breathes, smiling against Levi’s lips.

“Hi, yourself,” the Captain whispers back. “Why are you so early today?” 

Armin knows the answer. ‘I missed you.’ That's all there is to it, three words that he thinks to himself but doesn’t want to say out loud. It should be simple enough, but he can’t stop overthinking everything. What if he says it and ends up leading Levi on if he ultimately decides that he doesn’t want to pursue a relationship for the rest of his life? Physical intimacy is different, saying that he misses Levi is equivalent to emotional intimacy, and that kind of romantic feelings mean an eventual relationship that he still isn’t a hundred percent sure about. 

Instead of answering, he shrugs. 

The Captain doesn’t press him for an answer, just goes back to his table to continue working on his documents. Armin Arlert popping in for an early visit doesn’t mean he’s miraculously absolved of all the work he has to do as Corporal. 

It does help, though. They get through the documents twice as fast with Armin’s clear head and quick thinking. There definitely isn’t any kind of random hand touching or soft kisses between them that interrupt the workflow at regular intervals. 

“That was the last sheet,” Levi says, and sighs contentedly.

“You would have had to stay up much later if I didn’t pop over earlier to help you,” Armin points out. “Don’t I deserve a reward?” 

“You were _distracting_ me, Armin. I know you. Some of the touches aren’t as unintentional as you make them out to be. As your superior, this is unwanted fraternisation, and you should be glad I haven’t decided to punish you,” Levi says, one leg propped up on the other as he leans backwards and spreads his arms across the backrest of the chair languidly.

“Unwanted fraternisation now, is it? I’ll take my leave then, Sir. If it was going to be this way, I should have just stayed in my dormitory and spent time with my fellow cadets, instead of looking through stale and repetitive information,” Armin teases. He stands up, and walks to the door, before he feels Levi hugging him from behind, burying his face into the nape of his neck. 

“Stop teasing me,” Levi says irritatedly. “You goddamn brat.”

Levi pauses for a few seconds, and Armin waits. He can almost hear gears whirring in Levi’s brain as he seems to be contemplating, before he speaks up. “Thanks for helping me with the documents.”

“See, was that so hard?” Armin turns around and relents, before tweaking Levi’s nose. The Captain’s visibly annoyed by it, and swats his hand away, lightly. “Alright, no more teasing.”

Armin pulls Levi to the bed, and they both lie down on the soft sheets, Levi’s back facing Armin. Armin isn’t always the big spoon - they like to switch it up, keep things new, ensure that both parties get what they need in that moment - but today, he senses that Levi craves it. To be held securely. 

Levi’s been slightly distracted all evening, as if he has something to say, but isn’t sure if he should actually talk about it. Armin doesn’t know what it’s about, but by the way Levi pulls Armin’s arm in around his waist, he figures it’s probably not something they can’t resolve. He does want to talk about it, though. Better all the cards on the table. 

“Out with it, Ackerman,” Armin says softly, as he moves his hand to hold onto Levi’s own, and ghosts his thumb over Levi’s fingers. “I know there’s something bothering you. Talk to me.”

Levi sighs audibly, and brings Armin’s hand up to press a kiss gently, before turning around such that they’re looking directly at each other. A cold breeze flows in through the window, and Armin absently pulls the blanket over Levi’s torso. He’s wearing naught but a thin collared shirt.

“You know, today, you were on the grass patch? With the two other brats?”

“Eren and Mikasa, Levi,” Armin chides gently. He thinks Levi would make a lot of good friends if he stopped building barriers up around himself and calling every single cadet a brat. Sometimes, in the privacy of his (their) room, he calls Erwin a brat, too. Hange as well. 

“Right, them. Eren and Mikasa. You’re pretty… physically touchy? Aren’t you? You were clinging to Eren, and you had your head on his shoulder.” 

Armin freezes up. 

_Levi’s upset._

Levi’s upset that he’s getting too close to other boys. Most of him wants to apologise to Levi immediately and say that he’s really sorry, and he won’t do that again. A very tiny part of him is a little sad about Levi being controlling over what he does with his best friends. Whatever he does with Eren is platonic, and Levi’s a jerk if he can’t see that. 

“Arlert!”

It snaps Armin out of his thoughts.

“I know that look on your face, and it’s not a good look. You’re panicking, and you’re overthinking. I’m not done talking, so can you listen to me for a second before you rush into conclusions?”

“You think I’m into Eren. You think I’m leading you on. You’re jealous of him. You don’t want me to be so close to him. I didn’t think you’d see me like this -” 

“No! Armin, please don’t let your insecurities get in the way. You’re smart, but you let your fears and self-hatred cloud that intelligent brain of yours. I wasn’t going to say anything like that at all.” Levi pulls Armin in close, and presses Armin’s head against his chest. Armin doesn’t resist. 

Armin’s clinging tightly, trying to slow down his breathing.

“It’s my bad, too, I shouldn’t have started the conversation like that, it’s misleading. I’m sorry, Armin.” Levi says as he strokes Armin’s hair soothingly.

“What I’m trying to say is, I - I think you’re kind of a physically affectionate person. I can see that by the way you interact with your friends, and I wanted to talk to you about boundaries. Physical boundaries. Not with anybody else, not with Eren, I know you both are nothing more than best friends, I _trust_ you more than anything - but - I’m talking about boundaries, with me.”

Armin’s still hyperventilating a little, but he’s gradually calming down, with the comfort of Levi and his slow, sweet strokes. 

“I-i-is it something that I’m doing wrong? Am I not being respectful enough of your space? Physically? When we get intimate?” Armin asks shakily. He’s scared. He doesn’t want to disappoint Levi.

“Arm, you’re doing fine. I’m just worried that you’re annoyed with me. I realised I constantly ask for consent, and I’m so paranoid that I’m not giving you enough space when it comes to physical intimacy that I end up giving you too much space. I end up questioning everything, stopping to talk at every step, just to make sure you’re okay. If you’re someone who builds relationships through talking and through physical touching, then I’m terrible at both. I’m hesitant, but at the same time, I yearn to put my hands on you and be intimate… Which makes me more afraid of touching you. I’m in this dilemma. I keep an extremely tight control on myself when you’re around, but somehow, you’re also the person that makes me want to lose control. Watching you express affection so easily to your friends through hugs and gentle touches - I’m afraid you’ll resent me, for constantly asking. It’s so natural to you, while I have to calculate every step as I go along. Where is the balance between consent and needed physical intimacy? I don’t know.”

Armin takes a while to digest Levi’s words. 

It’s their first argument of sorts, and he finds that he’s not liking the feeling of the tense atmosphere between him and Levi. They’ve always gotten along on most things.

It’s true that Levi asks, _a lot_ , to the point that he always seems a little unsure. Like when he stops short of a kiss and waits for Armin to complete it, or when he asks if Armin’s sure every 5 minutes when they’re casually in contact on the bed. It doesn’t exactly bother him, all the little pauses, but he does want to know why Levi’s this apprehensive. 

He makes a mental note, to work on communication between them. This conversation started as a train wreck. Levi doesn’t know how to talk about it - plans a good, long, mildly irrelevant route on how to breach the topic - and Armin jumps to conclusions prematurely, before freaking out instead of listening. 

Armin wants to resolve this, and talk like adults. He leans back, to look at Levi’s face properly. 

“Levi… I didn’t know you were struggling with this,” Armin says quietly, as he presses a hand to cup Levi’s face. “Why do you feel a need to ask for consent? What's stopping you? Don't get me wrong, consent is good, I’m not bothered by it at all. I just want to know why you’re so apprehensive… Anything we do should be enjoyable for you too.”

“It is!” Levi says indignantly. “I enjoy whatever we do. I just need to be completely sure. 100% sure. I was thinking of setting up some boundaries, to know what you want and what you don’t want, so that I feel comfortable doing things with you.”

He looks down at their now interlaced fingers.

“My mother was a prostitute. In the underground city. She died, when I was young, but she tried her best to raise me.”

Armin doesn’t know what to say. It’s like when he tells people that he was orphaned young, and the situation gets awkward as people rush to say they’re sorry, or to tell him he must have been such a poor thing. Sometimes, he wishes that people wouldn’t say anything at all. 

So, he stays quiet, waiting for Levi to open up again. 

“A lot of her clients didn’t care. They thought that simply because they paid her money, they were entitled to anything from her. Consent would be the last thing on their minds. Sometimes, they would hit her, abuse her, and she couldn’t do anything against them. All this just to get a few gold pieces so that we could get a meal that week.” 

His half lidded eyes are shining a little too brightly in the dark, even if his face still shows a disdainful expression, as if he doesn’t care about what he’s saying. Armin knows that it’s not true, and squeezes tightly on his hand. 

“Since then, when it comes to - to - intimacy, I’ve needed certainty. Verbal or physical affirmation that the other person wants this too.”

“That’s why you didn’t kiss me directly on the rooftop that night. You were waiting for me to show that I want this too.”

Levi nods in agreement.

“What was her name?” Armin worries that it’s too much to ask something this personal, but Levi answers.

“Kuchel.”

“She sounds like she was a lovely mother. Just like her name. Special.”

“She was. Why did you want to know her name?”

“Just to remember her by. Someone who was a great parent, and brought up this amazing son. Gave everything she had to love him. The dead we love never truly leave us, after all. They stay here,” Armin says, before he presses his hand to Levi’s chest, right over his heart, in an emotionally intimate manner. “Just like how Marco’s always here, with me too,” he whispers, pressing his other hand over his own, strong, beating heart.

Marco seems to be everywhere today. Guiding him to talk to Jean after class, reminding him not to neglect his best friend, staying around in Mikasa’s thoughts, helping him talk to Levi about death and the beyond. 

He misses Marco so much he feels a pang in his heart. 

Levi nods again, and pulls them close together, burying his face in Armin’s neck. Levi doesn’t seem like he’s in the mood for talking, so Armin’s content enough with little nods or shakes of the head. 

“You can ask for consent as many times as you need. Ask it a thousand times, and I’ll reassure you a million. I’ll say yes as many times as you need to make you feel okay with kissing, with touching, with anything else that we do.” He wraps his arms firmly around Levi, both of them entangled so closely together Armin doesn’t know where he ends and where Levi begins. “You just need to _ask_.” 

A nod. Armin takes that as a cue to keep talking.

“Though, that being said, I don’t think I really have any physical boundaries. My boundaries all stem more on the emotional side. Maybe having a safeword would help you feel better? Anything we’re not comfortable with, say the safeword, and we’ll stop immediately. Would that help?”

Another nod. 

Armin feels _needed_ , and it’s a surprisingly warm feeling that blossoms in his navel, spreading through his entire body. He likes it when Levi’s comfortable enough to be reliant on him, despite the fact that the Captain is literally better than him in every single possible aspect of life. It hurts him when Levi’s sad, but it also makes him a little happy that he can be the one there to take care of him and dote on him when he’s vulnerable. 

“What about apple seed?” 

Levi looks up with an unimpressed reaction. “Seriously?” 

There goes the vulnerability. It lasted for a good 5 minutes, then disappeared with the wind.

“You think of one then, if you’re so smart,” Armin snarks. 

Levi doesn’t skip a beat. “Ocean,” he replies, looking at anywhere other than Armin’s face, still looking huffy and grumpy. 

Happiness glows inside him, like a blooming garden that thrives in the middle of sunshine, despite the cold weather outside. Levi doesn’t act the part, but he’s extremely attentive to Armin, and just the way he thinks about what Armin likes even in something as trivial as making a safeword makes Armin feel infinitely blessed. It’s the small moments like this that matter so much more to him than big, grand, oversized gestures. 

He presses a finger to the side of Levi’s mouth, and draws an imaginary line tracing along his slightly chapped lips. 

“Can I？“

“Yeah,” Levi says. “Please do.” 

Armin’s hands move from his lips to touch his cheek, then to grasp his neck, before leaning in and kissing Levi. He finds that he never seems to get tired of kissing him, no many how many times they do it. The taste changes with the tea, everyday, and he can never get enough of relishing in his quiet, subtle affections. First time kisses always have their own special thrill, especially under the most beautiful scenes the sky has to offer - but familiar kisses remind Armin that he has a home in Levi’s heart, for now, and provides a comfortable sense of routine that the both of them can appreciate. 

As they remain there, lazily kissing away each other’s sorrow, their minds are far away, thinking about their lost loved ones, comforting each other with their affection, eyes shining with the tears of their pain, their first fight all but forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is kind of trash. I might revisit it in the future and rewrite it, but I felt like it was kind of necessary for the rest of the chapters to flow properly, I just don’t know how to put the entire chapter properly into words, or express what I’m trying to say so I’m disappointed. I’m also kind of inexperienced with writing long and multi chapter stories, so I actually had to plan a detailed plot line instead of just letting my feelings string me along so that all the timelines align with the first two parts of the series, and they make sense. Maybe that’s why this chapter turned out a little yikes :/// kind of worried that Levi turned out a little bit OOC but i’d say it’s bc he’s vulnerable UwU  
> BTW: Apple Seed is one of the Original SoundTrack names for AOT so  
> The later chapters should turn out good though! I’m excited to write them, it’s a little bit more /happening/ in a sense? Like, it covers what I feel are more exciting scenes, so pls stay tuned! I’ve already plotted out the entire storyline, (it took 2000 words) and we should have about 5-7 or so chapters left in the story, and this should be the final installment in the series, which makes me sad since I’m frankly quite attached to this now, and I don’t really want to let go of it.  
> Updating is also a little bit slow, since I’m hoping to work with someone else to translate/write the 2nd part of the series into Chinese, while and that’s done concurrently with the new chapters.  
> if you’ve read til this point and you still want to wait for the later chapters, then i just wanna say i love you and thanks for being so supportive. <3 have a good day and stay hydrated! Comments give me life!


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